Over the last 2 years, my husband has accumulated close to $200k USD of personal debt, and additional debt for his business. Much of this debt was due to an options gamble. We got married last year and just had a baby 3 months ago. I did not tell me family about his debt before the wedding, as I believed he would be able to handle it on his own. I always believed that he was a very capable man that would find his footing again. He used to have good-paying accounting and consulting jobs, and was now working on a business with his dad with apparent promise of bigger and better projects on the horizon.

However, he started to struggle making the monthly payments to employees. I have a modest but steady income and some savings, so I would lend him money here and there, which has amounted to around $38k at this point (most of my cash savings). He sends me 8% interest payments every month for this loan.

Within the last few months, he had a falling out with his dad and his business dried up as his dad opened his own LLC. He continued to have massive monthly payments for his credit cards and, more importantly, his revolving line of credit that required just hundreds in fees. He has been driving Lyft to make money but even driving around the clock wouldn't give him enough for his payments. I've been covering his and the baby's health insurance, as well as all of baby's expenses. (I know starting a family while in debt is a bad idea, but I'm getting close to the age of a "geriatric pregnancy" and again I always believed in and supported him while having no loans of my own). (Yes I know I am ultimately also a dumbass because I could have lived my life without worrying about a husband in debt)

My parents have been staying with us to help take care of the baby. Last month, his mom pulled my mom aside and confessed to his debt and how she had asked him to file for bankruptcy (which he has continued to refuse). She basically dropped a large bomb at our house and left. Subsequently, my mom talked to him and offered to lend him $25k to at least help get rid of the revolving line of credit. I know she continued to have hesitation (understandably) because a lot of this money would be going to fees, and I did not want to pressure her. I know they were also upset and disappointed in their son-in-law, and in their daughter for not telling them before the wedding.

Still, I gently followed up with her last week about whether she was willing to lend the money. My husband has continued to pull from the extremely expensive line of credit as he couldn't make his payments otherwise. He had drafted a contract to pay back principal and 12% interest to her over the next several years. She finally sent me the money and gave me the go-ahead to write him a check from our joint account. That night, my husband came to ask me for the check when I was in bed after breastfeeding our baby. I asked him to bring me the check book. I wanted to confirm with my mom that I was using the correct account, but fell asleep around 10PM. I finally got around to writing him a $25k check the next morning before I left for work.

As my husband drove me to work, I asked him to please say thank you again to my mom that day and to re-iterate that he planned to pay back the principal, not just the interest on his $25k loan. He blew up on me as he had already said thank you before, and he thought I was asking him "grovel" while dragging my feet on sending him the payment. I got upset as I felt he was being ungrateful and missing the bigger picture. He stopped abruptly before pulling up to my drop-off point and asked me to "get out". I repeatedly asked him to pull up to the drop-off point and he refused. As a shuttle honked behind us, he continued driving. We got further and further away from my workplace as he told me I could get an uber back. We continued to argue while I asked him again and again to drive me back. He finally turned around a couple miles away. But he ran at least one red light, and accelerated very quickly at one point.

For context, this is not his first time driving in a way that makes me feel unsafe. He drives a Tesla Model 3 with Dual Motor, which can accelerate from 0-60 mph in about 3 seconds. He has a habit of going ham on the acceleration when he is angry. He previously sped down the shoulder at >100 mph in a highway traffic jam, which triggered the second panic attack I've ever had in my life. My third panic attack was when he was driving a rental and refused to put his phone down during a (non-urgent) phone call and refused to let me hold it for him.

Ultimately, I am trying to establish the bottom line, which is that we should not be jeopardizing each other's safety no matter how angry we are at each other. He is still saying that I need to accept the consequences of my own actions, that it was my fault for refusing to leave the car and giving him space when he asked.

AITA?