This is my first time posting here. But I REALLY need to hear from others.

4/2

The Story:

First, my fur baby, Bai was just under 12, and would have been 12 on 4/6/25. I shared her with my x for her entire life. I am in a 6 year relationship with my partner and she has loved Bai dearly since we got together. My partner is amazing with my all of my fur babies.

4/2/25: Her other mom had just brought her home, and I was in a meeting. My partner greeted her and I heard them talking. Shortly after that my partner started yelling my name. I ran into the front room to see what was happening. I saw Bai had collapsed. I threw a bra on to rush her to the hospital by driving frantically in traffic, my X held our baby in her arms on the way.

We arrived at the hospital, and they immediately put her in an oxygen tank. They advised us she had fluid around her heart, and it needed to be drained. We waited at the facility and had to run back to my house to get all her medicine to bring it back.  They advised she would be staying in the hospital for 24 to 48 hours. They also had to get her breathing under control to do the procedure.  

We decided to leave for a bit while they waited to have the chance to drain the fluid around her heart, which never ended up happening.

When I called the hospital at 5pm they told me they were seeing improvement but her condition was still critical.

When I called the hospital at 8:20pm ish for an update, they told me she wasn’t doing well and had gotten worse. They said this was likely her last episode and that I could come and see her. I was at my X’s and getting ready to head home. So we both drove up separately to give her love, hoping she would turn a corner. When I arrived and walked in to see her … I completely lost it and started crying. Bai had her mouth open gasping for breath and her little abdomen was pumping quickly in and out, all while being in an oxygen booth. I saw her eyes, she was struggling and I knew at that moment I had no choice. I had to let her go. I pulled my phone out to send a Marco to My partner, telling her I had to call it and let her go and showed her Bailee’s condition. Unfortunately, I was a shaking basket case and didn’t hit record and when I thought I stopped recording was actually when it started. My partner never got the message.

As I headed home I reached out to let her know I was stuck in heavy traffic. She asked if there was no coming back from this for Bailee and I said Al, I let her go ☹… I sent a marco!!! Which is when I found out the Marco that I intended to send was not recorded after all.

Which brings me to:

4/4/25

I walked down the hall and heard my partner crying. I went in to comfort her. I asked if she was ok. She said “No, I'm trying not to be mad at you because I didn’t know you were letting her go”

What she said completely crushed me. Gutted me. I’m not trying to invalidate her feelings, we all have them. But there are times I feel we should filter what we say, anticipating the impact that could be on the other person at the time. Knowing what I am going through I felt it was more guilt thrown on me. Now not only have I lost my best friend in my life, my partner is upset with me because she wasn’t part of it.

My decisions happened in an instant. I don’t need more guilt. I already have so much. I had to make the decision to end her life. This is not something I have ever had to do. EVER. I’m DEVASTATED.

She KNOWS I tried to let her know as I explained the Marco debacle. Letting Bai go was the hardest decision I've had to make! I didn’t go to visit thinking I was actually saying goodbye. When I saw her struggling I knew I had to stop the suffering right away. There is NO WAY I could have waited for My partner to show up before sending her to the bridge. I couldn’t watch my baby suffer anymore. More so, I couldn’t ALLOW her to suffer anymore. She tried. She fought hard. She was an amazing companion and knew nothing but love and joy.

ADVICE NEEDED.