My husband (32M) and I (32F) argued this morning because I followed through on something he referred to as a “threat.”

Context: We have two cars. I’ve asked that he not drive my car (Car1) unless we’re going somewhere together as a family and I’m in the car. He’s extremely messy. I already clean our home 1–2 times a day because of how careless he is. I can handle the shared space, but my car is my own and cleaning it constantly on top of the house is exhausting. Despite this, he’s been using it lately.

Timeline:

4/3 (9–10 AM): I call and ask him not to take my car anymore unless we’re both in it with the kids.

12:30 PM: I text: “You’re going to have to put the kids to sleep alone tonight. I need to work on my website at my brother’s since I don’t have a laptop.” (This text is important for later).

3:30 PM: I take laundry to my brother’s (we don’t have a washer and I do laundry there for free).

6:30 PM: He comes home and takes the kids. I get dressed to go clean my car, finish laundry, and do work.

6:59 PM: I call to ask if he took my car. He says yes and changes the subject. I ask, “Why would you take it after I asked you not to? Can you bring it back?”

He refuses. I say, “If you don’t, I’ll have to get my stuff done in the morning and it’ll interfere with your work.” He still doesn’t come. He’s 5 minutes away but doesn’t get home until 8:15 PM—by then, I’m already in bed (I wake up at 5:30 AM).

4/4 (6 AM): I go through my to-do list while the kids are out.

8:30–9 AM: I clean my car and delay finishing laundry until after I pick up the kids, still thinking about his “meetings.”

10 AM: I come home and get called crazy, narcissistic, and unreasonable in front of our toddlers. He says I “interfered” with his meetings (which may or may not have existed). He rants about how I “don’t pay the bills” so I shouldn’t affect his work time.

For more context: I take care of our toddlers full-time. He only recently started giving me a $300 monthly allowance. Before that, I got nothing. I’m currently building a business so I can have some financial independence.

He completely ignored that I had made a plan the night before to clean the car, finish laundry, and work—plans he disrupted by taking the car and the keys to my brother’s house. Instead of acknowledging that, he fixated on how I didn’t tell him the keys were in the car. True, I didn’t mention it directly. But if he had just respected my request—or returned the car when I asked—none of this would have happened.

It feels like he constantly picks and chooses what’s “important” and twists everything to make me feel like I’m the problem. Anytime I set a boundary, it becomes a personal attack. He deflects, gaslights, and turns it into chaos.

So… AITA for following through on what I told him I’d do if he didn’t return the car?