im on mobile and im not used to posting on reddit, plus this just happened and im still upset over everything so please excuse any errors or mistakes.

throwaway account even though im sure they’ll know its me if they hear this or read it or what have you.

for context, i (19f) have schizoaffective disorder: bipolar type along with a long list of diagnosis that i have documentation and proof of like depression, anxiety, eating issues (idk if i can say that here), and ptsd. my brother (21m) has autism, social anxiety, and depression, his girlfriend (19f) has anxiety and ptsd.

his girlfriend, lets call her mel, has been staying with us for about a month or so. i wasn’t notified at first, i was under the impression that she was only staying a night which turned into two which turned into multiple days and weeks. during that time my brother, lets call him lee, had gotten close to her. mel was my friend until i realized a lot of my friends were dropping her and cutting contact, even the friend who gives multiple chances to people. when i found that out i was like “oh yeah, shes not my friend.” but unfortunately she became lee’s friend which obviously turned into something more. at first i didnt care, it wasnt any of my business and they seemed happy despite their issues with past partners (which they were still talking to and with when they got together). anyways, i found out mel was staying with us and didnt care at first as long as she carried her weight since we live in a big household (my mom, dad, sister (8f), brother (6m), lee, me, and now mel).

the problems started when mel would carelessly smoke nic and weed around the house (which we rent), we’ve told her many times to not do that. she could go outside or zero it out (if u dont know what that is its basically holding in the hit until u breathe out n nothing comes out, its obviously not good for u but is necessary when living in a house like this and for whatever reason you cant go outside). this morning i found a vape on the bathroom floor and crashed out. lee doesn’t vape, my parents dont vape, and its obviously not my elementary school aged siblings vape, and i KNOW it wasnt mine. i KNEW it was hers because it was one of my old ones i said she could have.

i picked it up and went into lee’s room and told him “tell mel she needs to watch her pockets, i found this dead center on the bathroom floor. if she cant respect our boundaries and rules then she has to go. i’m not mad at her, she’s not in trouble right now, this is just a warning. if she keeps this up then im going to go off on her.” but due to being bipolar i have a hard time controlling my tone and facial expressions so it came off a lot more harsh and aggressive than i meant for it to be since i was upset about it. lee started crying and kicked me out so i left and went outside to call mel since she wasnt home.

when she picked up i immediately said “yo watch your pockets when youre at my house. i found your vape on the bathroom floor and if you cant respect us, the rules, and the boundaries in my house then you gotta go, do you understand me?” she sounded like she was about to cry and kept saying she was sorry and made up excuses for why it was on the floor, i kept telling her that im not mad at her, shes not in trouble, she can still stay here, and that this was just a verbal warning. i also mentioned how i didnt appreciate that she smoked around my younger siblings with no regard or attempts to zero it out or even go outside. to this she said “but i dont smoke around them! i really dont! i’m trying, i really am, i’m sorry!” and i said “you dont? but i done seen you do it with my own two eyes MULTIPLE times and each time i tell you not to do that, so are you lying to me right now? is this what we’re gonna do?” and she kept saying sorry after that. i told her “what do you want me to say to that? stop saying sorry, im not asking for an apology. im giving you a verbal warning and asking for the bare minimum of respect.” and then i hung up after she said okay.

i went inside and told my mom (who is head of the household) about it and the issues mel has had with my other friends since i felt my mom was obligated to know those things, especially since mel is staying at our house. mel has been cut off from my friends for using them for money and making everything about her. luckily, i didn’t buy her much, just some food and drinks and i give her my left over vapes since i dont need them anymore. i didn’t plan on buying her anything else since the fact still stands that she owes me weed which is probably petty of me to do. when i was talking to my parents about this they said that since my name is on the lease, i work, and i’m an adult pulling my own weight around the house that if i felt i had good reason to kick her out then they wouldnt have an issue with it. while i was talking to my parents, lee came into the room and walked past us to storm out of the back door.

while mel and lee were gone lee texted me and told me not to yell at mel. i said that i didnt yell at her but granted i was harsh and aggressive when i shouldn’t have been. we talked it out and i tried my best to reassure them that i wasnt mad, my parents werent going to have a talk with them when they came back.

i then found out that mel and lee were having sex while my 6 year old brother was sleeping on the floor since lee and my brother share a room (we only have three bedrooms). not only did they have sex while my brother was sleeping in the same room, but they made a makeshift lock. i wouldn’t have an issue with the lock or them having sex but its the fact that my little brother is locked in there with them that really set me off. as soon as they came home i took a walk to calm myself down enough to have a talk with them about it.

i came back home and lee greeted me, i said “where’s mel? i need to talk to yall.” and lee immediately got defensive. i went upstairs to lee’s room where mel was and lee blocked his door like a guard dog so i couldn’t go in. he asked what i wanted to talk about in a very not nice way and i said “you’ll find out in a moment.” since i wanted the conversation to be private. he stayed at the door and didn’t let me in so i told them that mel can come out if i cant go in. he opened his door and called out to her, “OP wants to talk to us… about what? i dont know but shes being a dick and an asshole about it.”

now one thing about me, i’ll be damned to let ANYONE disrespect me or my people like that, my family is no exception. my younger siblings’ health, wellbeing, peace of mind, and innocence are my top priority and if anyone or anything threatens that then they threaten me and i’ll die on that hill just so my babies can get to the top. i dont care if youre my older brother, i dont care if youre my dad, i dont care if youre my damn grandfather or what have you because at that point youre nothing but a threat and threats need to be taken care of for the safety of those i care and help provide for.

mel came out and i immediately told them that i knew what they were doing in there when my little brother sleeps and that i can hear it because the walls are thin. i told them i didnt care what they did in there as long as my little brother isnt in there, i said they could tell him to come to my room and id have no issue with it. granted, i was heated and crashing out at this point so i said this very harshly and firmly but i still wasnt yelling at this point.

mel kept saying sorry and interrupting me as lee kept throwing insults my way and challenging me so i had enough. i held out my hand to mel and said “stop talking, i’m not finished.” which was probably a really bad move on my part since lee didn’t like that one bit and went off on me. he kept saying “whats wrong with you?” and when i said “thats a very vague question, be more specific.” he didn’t like that and one thing lead to another and we were yelling at each other. i cant remember the specifics of when we were yelling since it was so intense but i do remember pointing a finger in each of their faces and saying “you’re not my friend. you’re not my friend, either.” to both of them as i looked them straight in the eye. obviously that didnt go very well and they went back into his room. lee slammed the door which caught my dad’s attention. my dad is drunk at this point and he came upstairs to yell at all three of us, said not to slam his doors and yell like that. he said many things that i already said to them about respecting this house and the rules and expectations of living here and that we were adults and he had no issue kicking us out. this pissed me off since my dad isnt working and hasn’t been working for awhile, but he has medical issues so i feel in hindsight that i was irrationally upset with him about this.

i tried to talk to my dad and say that i was telling them exactly what he was telling them now but he told me to shut up.

i try so hard to keep my family close and happy. i work hard despite my mental struggles to make sure my family lives as comfortably as we can and the fact i feel so blantantly disrespected like this in my own house by my own blood because of this girl really set me off. i graduated at 17, diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder right before i turned 18, i work at a tourist destination with countless guests every shift for $16 an hour, my name is on the lease, i help pay bills, i give my siblings baths and teach them how to shower, i feed them and get them drinks, i make sure they take their medicine and go to school, i give them the bare minimum of their necessities and i remind them that i love them every single day. and this is the thanks i get? the disrespect, the threats, the insults, the projection.

i told lee “if mel doesn’t show proof of her diagnosis’ then i’m still going to treat her as strictly as i am.” because honestly, after everything, i dont believe her. besides, proof of documentation will help me understand her. it’ll help know what do to and how to help her without me unintentionally making her issues worse. lee said that i have no reason to ask for something like that since i’m never home and when i am home i sit in my bed and sleep all day. mind you, i only go to work and when i come home im exhausted. lee and mel dont have jobs nor are they in school. i told him i felt like that i was in the right to ask for something like that since again, i work, i pay bills, my name is on the lease, i’m an adult, and this is my house. shes not a guest anymore so she doesn’t get the guest treatment, there’s responsibilities and expectations to uphold when staying here and god forbid im not craddling an adult.

anyways, after my dad yelled at us the three of us had to leave the house for the night. i’m breaking down at this point in front of my mom and little sister who shouldn’t have to see that. i call some friends and i pack a few bags since honestly, i’m done with staying at that house as long as mel and lee are there.

growing up i always felt like the oldest sibling, even when it was just lee and i for awhile. i always had his back, i always protected him from threats and bullies. and yet, i never got that protection and love back. lee was talking to my cousin after everything went down and said i meant nothing to him. that really hurt me. i figured that since i meant nothing nothing to him, since all my efforts and care were wasted on him, that he meant nothing to me too. i love him, hes my big brother, but jesus christ i don’t know who that man is anymore. all i know is that hes threatening my other siblings’ health, wellness, innocence, etc. and im not going to have any of it. at this point in time lee isnt my brother, hes just a threat.

i truly believe that no amount of struggle is a valid enough excuse to disrespect the people you live with and claim to love.

lee and mel need to realize that theyre not the only ones struggling and suffering out here. take me for example, despite having unstable emotions, hearing voices and seeing things that aren’t there, constantly living in a state of paranoia and looking over my back, having ptsd from my upbringing, and not having a healthy relationship with food, i STILL stand on business and work hard. whats their excuse?

none of this needed to happen had they communicated. thats all this is, lack of communication on their part. i truly tried to talk to them in private, keep it between us, talked everything out and stay firm on some ground rules.

mel said shes scared shes going to mess up a simple chore so she doesnt do it, im trying to tell her that if she communicates that she doesnt know how to do it properly or even how to work the dishwasher or whatever that id have no issue with showing her how its done. but she just doesnt do it, she doesnt even try. and lee? he doesn’t listen, it goes in one ear and out the other. he says he knows when i try to tell him things he should do to improve himself and his situation. but its not a matter of him knowing, its a matter of him getting the motivation to listen and act on it.

he refuses to apologize to me and says hes not going to apologize for being happy. i said that hes not supposed to apologize for being happy, thats great if hes happy, you do you and you live your life in a way that fulfills you. but all i ask is that he apologizes for being disrespectful, i dont care if hes happy. yet he fails to see how hes being disrespectful and when i try to explain it to him he gets mad and yells at me. he projects his insecurities and failures onto me when hes mad and i just cant do it anymore.

im sorry that this is such a mess of a post and im sure im forgetting a lot of things but my head hurts so badly right now and i feel like i ran in circles and just rambled on and on. please let me know if i need to clarify or explain anything since i feel that this post isnt the most comprehensive thing.

anyways, AITA for letting my emotions get the best of me and taking it out on my brother and his girlfriend and leaving the house?