for context, my ex A(29M) and i (24F) had met at a party and hit it off (Dec 2022). he was in a relationship with someone else back then so none of us made a move. a few months later, he was single again and we started going out soon after. we dated for 2.5 months in which things escalated between us. i had already confessed my love to him and vise versa. but even back then, he had gotten insecure about my guy best friend (B - 25M). One day i was spiraling about a competetive exam id written and id gone to meet B(who id met through tinder 3 years back and we'd been physical once, post 2ish months we took a break from each other and then we'd evolved into being really good friends) , we shared a cigg and spoke for 15-20, he calmed me down and i came back home. i told this incident to A the same night and it triggered him massively. back then A was in a different city for his job and i couldn't reach him in the middle of the day to rant to him. A expressed his discomfort about this, and that he felt betrayed by me. i explained to him there is nothing going on and nothing ever will be between me and B. we reached a point arguing when A gave me an ultimatum that I either have A or B in my life because he has been cheated on and betrayed in 2 of his previous relationship and that this is a boundary he's drawn for himself. we couldn't come to an agreement and broke up.

5 months later i ended up inviting him to another party bec my best friend's boyfriend and A are good friends. A and i got involved again, kept talking for 2 weeks but it didn't go anywhere. we cut each other off.

forward to dec 2024, Im in a different city completing my masters. A and my best friend have been friends for the last few years and one random day A expressed his interest in meeting me at NYE years party.

we met at the party(in my hometown) , A asked me if he can kiss me. i said im not sure at first but gave in a few minutes later. we kept talking, we are madly attracted to each other. i felt like we could make things work this time, i'd always felt like i never gave that relationship a fair chance. so we agreed on certain boundaries that would make him feel secure. that i would lessen my interactions with B. (id come back to my hometown especially to make things right with A)

i came back to the city where my college is. 3-4 extremely lengthy fights happened with A every week or so, because id give him information about someone from my past, whose t-shirt I still have (this was a one night stand), or someone from college who asked me out but i politely declined, or a senior who subtly expressed interest in me but never really made a pass at me, or i told him about a text conversation with A and told him a few days later.

now i kept reassuring him that if someone will make a pass at me, i know how to handle it and not engage. but he expected me to cut all these people off entirely. his argument was why even have potential problems in the relationship bec according to him men will look for an opportunity when a woman is vulnerable and then take their chance. i never lied to him about anything but even me disclosing incidents a few days after them happening made him call it lying, deceiving and emotional cheating. i, in an attempt to make him feel secure, and because he kept saying that he's not asking for anything unreasonable of me and that every serious relationship will require me to do so, and that no guy will ever be okay with this, we reached a point where I removed every single person from my past who id been involved with (in any capacity).

for more context, we would keep fighting on calls for hours on end, 7-8 hours until morning and he would still keep talking about it and blaming me. he also called me a narcissist, manipulative and that I was gaslighting him when i tried to call him out that he was verbally cruel to me when he was angry. he would try to justify that saying that he's generally very calm and i pushed him to this by hurting him and questioned me if he can't even have a reaction to a problem that I created.

despite all of this happening, he came to visit me for a week or so but ended up staying a month and began looking for jobs where my college is. he has been unemployed for the last two years and was involved in sorting out some family real estate. he also has a drinking and smoking problem but he significantly controlled his drinking in this time.

anyway, my physical and mental health has declined and ive been so hurt.

i decided to end it because we would go around in circles while arguing and i felt like my health declining is a sign is something being amiss.

it's been 4-5 days and he still keeps texting me to atleast give him a chance and talk to him. he blames me for not giving us a proper chance and not letting him be there for me. the most accountability and kindness I've gotten from him is when I decided to walk out. i feel v guilty and have internalized his narratives.

he has been saying to me he will work on his flaws and do whatever is necessary but idk if someone can really change their psyche, how they've functioned for the last 30y odd years. but idk if i can stay by him while that change happens (it may not even happen).

i do keep questioning myself about what my shortcomings are, what I could've done differently, maybe be more assertive about my boundaries, or possibly being less defensive when he brought his issues upto me.

none of my friends, literally none of them like him, i understand they can be slightly biased towards me but i trust them to want only the best for me. my relationship with friends had also become a little stranded while I was dating, and I was spending less and less time with friends and family.

AITA for breaking up with him?