I( F38) recently ended a relationship ( Tony M36) for the best, and instead of being happy, I'm feeling really bad today. We were together for 4 years, never lived together because I refused until we got married. We started off right at the same place financially speaking. He had dreams and aspirations, and so did I. We both have kids.

I worked my way through a job that fit my career strategy and got hired by a very solid business group, creating a startup. I did it as a consultant while keeping my job and eventually created my own business based on consulting opportunities. I don't know what happened to Tony, but he lost some steam and basically started blaming everyone for his mistakes.

He didn't study for his certification and failed the exam, then got let go because it was a requirement and can't take the exam because his employer was covering for it and he couldn't afford it by himself. He lost another job, and his attempts at creating a business with his close friend ended in failure and a broken friendship. So he started cutting corners, instead of trying to take over where he left off, he did a string of collaborations that didn't bear fruit and were less and less feasible until the quality of his opportunities became questionable.

He switched to seeking people to work with based on their clout, and it didn't work out. I sat down with him trying to offer my perspective, but he said that I'm naive, that networks are meant for that, and that I hadn't reached further in my career for being too nice. I'm not a therapist, but I think this situation led him to treat me differently sex wise. His physical affection style changed, and it's disturbing because I feel like I lost a huge source of love and emotional comfort.

He began to act snarky. I lost his support when I told him that I would not be comfortable being the sole income producing partner when he tossed the idea of moving in and taking some time off to both save money and figure out staring his own business. After a few attempts and my repeated refusal, he said that I was too selfish. That his mom worked while his dad did his Masters. His jokes about my faith and trust in my colleagues put me in the position of a fool who would get inevitable betrayed ( his words).

We used to have a very fulfilling sex life. I need an emotional connection to enjoy it, and he provided just that. We treated each other with lots of love and respect and made sure we each enjoyed it. I just don't know what happened. He went from being fun-loving and making us both laugh even during sex to act methodically.

For example, he created new rules and restricted me from touching him except when he wanted me to. We went from having sex at least 4 times a week to him ”having to make time”. I have a lot of flexibility, so I made arrangements to see each other while my kids weren't home.

One time, he showed up with his own kids (who are in their late teens ( 18M, 17F) and didn't even address his reasons to abruptly change plans. The other time, he had his brother come over, and their conversation extended to the point where our sex date never took place. I asked what was going on and he said that 1) I misunderstood the day and hour 2) his children were excited that he was coming to visit and self invited 3) he's a father first, and being a man comes second.

This last statement made me feel like shit, like I was some kind of inconsiderate nympho. I talked to him about it, and he said sex isn't everything and that I was acting gluttonous.

After 2 or 3 of these conversations, I got tired of feeling rejected, but he blew up at me when he found my sex toy. We've been dragging this problem for 12-10 months. Also, our intimacy changed. He refused to finger me, something that was a part of our sex life just like me giving him oral, and I loved doing it.

So he would lose interest in my physical needs after oral ( from me to him), despite me not having climaxed yet. I've even asked if he was no longer attracted to me, and he denied it.

He adopted a new situation/habit of putting his feet on me while in bed. Like we would lay down, and he would flex his leg until his sole would touch my body. I told him I didn't like it because I felt like he was stepping on me or that I was his property. He stopped doing it, but the emotional connection is null.

I broke up with him after he turned me on and refused to complete the act. When I tried to reinitiate, he said I was “lusty” and acted amused at my frustration. I got up and left. No talking, no attempt at trying to make myself heard. He tried to reach out, and I didn't respond, not because I was playing hard to get but because I'm genuinely fed up. I put myself as single on social media and changed all the passwords to services where I gave him access.

He showed up because I'm not responding to his attempts to contact me, and I told him to leave. He wanted to talk, but I said I was busy. He said breaking up with him without even talking counts as some kind of betrayal of trust, and I said I honestly don't care about his feelings. He asked if it was because of our sex life and tried to convince me to have sex. I said no thanks, I can get better sex when I find a good partner. He asked if I was ready to sleep with someone else, and I said yes, which he found very offensive. He said we could have talked before reaching this point, I asked him to leave, and that was it.

He sent me a last text before I blocked him, saying that he was surprised that of all the things that I could use to break us up, I chose sex. AITA?