Let me start this off by saying that the story is really long and I couldnt bring myself to cut it down anymore im so sorry. I couldn't really tell what would be relevant because it baffles me so much looking back on it all.

(Ex is referred to by the fake name of Bill)

Bill and I meet in middle school and "dated" in Freshman year of high school. I put quotes around "dated" because we never really did anything that qualified as couple stuff it was just more of a title. Like kids do ya know? Anyways we "broke up" for the first time when I moved across the ocean around Christmas time. We tried to do long distance but with the time differences and us still being kids we fell apart. We officially broke up that summer.

Fast forward 4 or so years and we are long distance online dating again. At this point we have graduated high school and are both adults. Bill is now on the same continent as me but is still in a different country. This is where things get crazy.

Bill is a member of the Mormon Chruch and in his religion our relationship/marriage would never be valid if I too wasn't a baptized member of the church. He is really big into his religion. In fact he was out of the country on a missionary trip at the time this is all going down. I told him that I'm not particularly religious, I never grew up in a church environment so the idea of a God is iffy at best to me. Nonetheless I told him I'd give it an honest effort. After all I had feelings for him and genuinely saw a future together.

This would turn out to be a mistake.

He immediately got me in touch with local missionaries regardless of the fact that I was moving in 4 months time. Awkwardly I tried to avoid them as best I could because it seemed wierd to me to establish myself with them when I'd be leaving very soon. I told Bill this and he seemed to understand and the missionaries also respected my choice. They however decided to forward my information to the nearest batch of missionaries where I was moving. I did not give them my address. And only Bill knew, at the time, that I was giving his church a shot AND where I was moving too exactly.

I get to my new house and immediately, within the week, I have missionaries at my door and I start putting in an honest effort. Truly I did my best at the time so much so that I must have convinced a lot of people I was ready to move on with things because next thing I know I'm getting baptized and added to group chats at the church. I do my best to show up to church on Sundays and functions they set up during the week. I made a couple friends and things seemed okay even though I felt like I was living a lie. Eventually the guilt got to a point where I ghosted everyone and stopped showing up to everything. I hadn't made any commitments to anything so I didn't feel too bad about disappearing.

Then I broke up with Bill. I'm truly terrible at long distance relationships, I barely read texts and phone calls make me feel icky because I can't see their facial expression. We used to video call but our connection was always shit. All in all the fire I had for him was strong but I felt like it was not sustainable the way it was and I felt like shit when I told him so. He remarkably understood and asked if we could try again when he came back from the mission trip he'd been on this whole time. I said we'd have to cross that bridge when we get there because I didn't know how I'd feel. I believe this was around 5 months before he was due to come back.

Alongside my terrible track record with long distance calls I also broke up with Bill because I didnt want to shackle him. His religion is very strict on the requirements for a holy marriage and I just wasnt going to be able to fulfill them even if i tried to fake it. I wanted to give him the chance to find someone who would be able to do that for him so I cut him loose and did what I had to so I wouldn't turn back.

Something I didn't mention is that Bill has been the only person I've actually dated in any sense of the word my entire life. We click in a way that I find difficult with even friends so it was really hard when I suddenly realized that I wouldnt be able to fulfill the requirements. Additionally as far as I am aware this fact is also true on Bills end.

Both times we broke up I blocked him on socials and by phone number just to make sure that I didn't try to take back what I said. I'd eventually unblock him after about a week and that would be that till either of us reaches out again.

~Time skip of about a year~

Back in March I permanently deleted all my social media accounts. I didn't realize till 2 weeks ago what they actually meant in regards to Bill as I had lost his number at some point in the last year. I had made a post before deleted my socials about the fact I was doing so but I had no way of telling if he saw it at all. When I had that thought I swear the universe was laughing at me. Three missionaries woke me up a couple days later to check in on me as they hadn't heard from me in a couple months. I explained that I wasn't really interested in anything anymore and they seemed to understand. Though they kept sending me texts so I blocked their new number. Additionally not even a day later my mom got a message from Bill on her social media asking about me. Mom basically told him what my post said and they chatted a bit before the chat went dead. This in and of itself is not unusual, when we dated he and Mom would chat occasionally about us, surprises, and other things. He's a really sweet guy and my mom has been all for our relationships.

Recently, like 5 hours ago, Bill sent me a message on Discord. I had totally forgotten he had it and that we were friends on it. Discord was one of the few socials I kept as I have a few friends I only talk to through it.

His exact message was: "Heyo. Been awhile. I hope you are doing well."

I'm struggling to decide if I should respond or not. This is the same way our last relationship started, friendly messages before we dive head first into a relationship again. I miss him, I really do, but if we get back together I can not pretend to be his religion because that's just not something my morals would allow. Additionally it feels a bit sus that he's reaching out after the missionaries advances have been rejected. I know I'd be happy with him and who knows maybe the third times the charm?

I really don't know what's happening and that's assuming this leads to a relationship again. With our track record I think it's possible?

Am I the asshole for breaking up with Bill because of his religion?

Would I be the asshole for getting back together with him if it goes that way?