There’s a girl—we’ll call her Julia. For over 10 years probably, she’s had a pattern: she attaches herself to a new “best friend,” mimics EVERYTHING they do, down to the type of men they like and then within six months the friendship implodes. I was actually one of her longest-standing friends because I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. I thought she was misunderstood. But over time, she started treating me horribly.

Julia turns everything into a silent competition, especially when it comes to men. She’s extremely male-centered and has literally ditched friends in vulnerable situations just to chase after guys she barely knows. She’s tried to steal multiple friends’ boyfriends. Once, she went behind one of our close friend’s backs to DM and later meet up with a guy who she knowingly knew had emotionally hurt our friend. When confronted, Julia gaslit her, called her insecure and never admitted what she did was wrong.

She has lied about serious things, gossiped about my body, and implied publicly that I have an eating disorder. She’s physically pushed me and other friends when she didn’t get her way. She once almost got a bartender fired by falsely claiming he drugged her—when he wasn’t even working that night, and we all saw her take multiple shots on her own.

She was once left to care for her 11 and 13-year-old sisters while their parents were out of the country and completely neglected them. When questioned, she said, “I didn’t give birth to them—they’re not my responsibility.” She didn’t even know how they were getting fed and said “they know how to cook”.

She also flirted with a man I was seriously seeing, then told me the interaction between them was “so cute” to rub it in my face. Another time, when a guy liked me at a bar, she told me, “He seems like the type who would take any woman,” clearly trying to diminish me. Another time a man said he liked my hair and she looked me up and down in disgust. If she isn’t getting attention from a man at a bar she will literally storm off in a rage and leave the bar. She came to one of our friend’s private birthday party 1 hour late with 3 extra random people high and drunk. She left another friend’s birthday without saying anything because the birthday girl was talking to a cute guy. When she later found out he was gay she was happy and smiling because she doesn’t want other women to get male attention.

On our friend’s bachelorette trip, she got upset that we changed into club dresses and we all looked more put together than she did. She drank half the bottle of tequila we all equally split. Later that night, she shoved another friend across the bathroom because she “wanted to pee first”. She got us kicked out of a club later by fighting with the security guard. She blasted the same song all weekend, even while one of us was trying to work remotely. She didn’t pay for any of the Ubers that weekend and would wait for others to get them. She almost made us late for a reservation because she was FTing a man she met once the entire time the rest of us were getting ready and she was not…after the bride specifically said this weekend was about the girls.

Her behavior is constantly selfish, unaware, and frankly erratic. She once waited for me inside a grocery store for 20 minutes and blocked the exit just to force a conversation I clearly didn’t want.

Anytime I have thought a man was cute in a public setting (mind you I was not talking to her) she would call him ugly or gay under her breath.

She can’t keep jobs, friendships, or healthy boundaries. I have compassion for people with struggles, but she’s hurt too many people for too long. She’s never shown accountability. She doesn’t feel guilt. She likes to watch other women fail. She takes credit for other people’s success. She just moves on like her actions aren’t destructive.

Julia ghosted our friend getting married, the bride, a week before her destination wedding to say she couldn’t make it because of personal and financial reasons…but a month later spent money to fly to Spain for 2 weeks to see a man she met once. Again, choosing a man over her friend’s wedding?? I should add Vera didn’t know much about Julia’s actions when she initially invited her to this wedding.

Now here’s where I might be the AH: My friend Vera, who’s having a second reception in the US, told me more than once that she didn’t want Julia there, was glad she was not at the destination wedding and was NOT going to invite her to the second reception. So I was shocked to find out that Julia has been invited after all.

I’m not trying to make this about me—I know it’s not my wedding. Vera can invite whoever she wants. But I feel really betrayed. Not just because of everything Julia’s done to me, but because Vera knows what she’s done to our entire friend group. It’s hard not to take this personally. It makes me question whether Vera really sees me as a friend if she’s willing to give someone like Julia a seat at her wedding. Mind you this isn’t even the worst of her. I want to support my friends, I want to show up for them and I love my friends deeply. I’m not trying to be selfish or petty, but Julia has caused trauma that I can’t get past.

So—AITA for not wanting to attend the wedding reception because someone who’s deeply disrespected and hurt me will be there?