I (21F) have a twin brother who’s on the autism spectrum. He’s verbal, holds a job, and functions fairly independently, but he’s not able to live alone or manage money responsibly mainly because of issues with impulse control, especially around food. He eats large portions and snacks constantly, which offsets any healthy eating. He doesn’t appear overweight at first but he carries most of his weight in his stomach and thighs.

This hits close to home for me because I used to struggle with similar habits. About a month and a half ago, I started taking my health seriously—exercising, intermittent fasting, and watching what I eat. I’ve lost about 15 pounds (from 165 to 150 at 5’7”) and I feel great about my progress. One challenge I’ve had is picky eating. I’ve learned to work around this by eating raw fruits and veggies on the side instead of mixing them into meals. It might sound weird, but it helps me track calories and actually eat the nutrients I need. I’m trying to expand my palate, but sticking to what works has made it easier to stay consistent.

When I’m home from college, I usually take a bite of whatever my mom cooks to be polite, then eat my usual meal. My twin constantly mocks me for being a picky eater—way more than my parents, who mostly joke about it in passing. He exaggerates chewing noises, questions why I won’t eat certain things, and even brought it up to coworkers when we used to work together. It’s always been a sensitive topic for me, and it feels like he goes out of his way to humiliate me. Last night, I only took a bite of my mom’s food and stayed at the table to chat. My brother made another comment about how I don’t eat vegetables (even though I do). Then he insulted my appearance, saying my arms looked flabby. I snapped and called him a “fatass liar who steals from the pantry.” He claimed he was just being honest and told me I’m childish for not eating normally, so I pointed out his eating habits and how he’s nearly obese. That set him off, and he slammed his plate, shoved past me, and stomped off.

Later, he tried to turn the situation around, accusing me of being a hypocrite for criticizing someone’s weight when I claim to care about body positivity. He ranted about how women get praised for doing nothing while men are judged for everything, even though I’m in college, working out, and taking classes full-time. I eventually just walked away. When I told my mom about everything he said, she agreed that he needs to get his eating under control, but also told me I shouldn’t have brought up his weight. She also suggested I work on my picky eating, even though I already am and have found a system that works for me.

I know picky eating isn’t ideal as an adult, and I’m genuinely trying to grow out of it (any advice would help). But am I the asshole for finally snapping and calling out my brother?