So I (18F) have been friends with this girl Liv (18F , fake name) for around 4 years and we share virtually everything with each other, she probably knows me better than I do and is my closest friend. I’m an introvert, and she’s super extroverted to the point she where she has no social awareness, so we’re essentially polar opposites.

However, I started getting some doubts on how good she was at keeping secrets. I have a terrible memory - terrible as in if I get told something I’ll probably forget it within 10 minutes. I loved listening to Liv talk about all sorts of things that were going on in school as she was way more connected than I was, and I prefer to listen than talk, but she started telling me tea about other people which I know i’m definitely not supposed to know, always prefacing with ‘don’t tell anyone else I promised them not to tell anyone’. I didn’t mind it at first but some things I was hearing made me question whether she really should be telling me this or not. I did bring this up to her and she just said ‘it’s fine, you’re my closest friend and I know you’ll forget it anyway’ which isn’t wrong, like I’m glad she’s trusting me with this but it still rubbed me off in the wrong way.

I did let it go after a while until one day another girl came up to me asking about an event in the past I had only ever told to Liv as it wasn’t something I was exactly proud of. Ofc I was surprised so I asked Liv and she just said ‘oops sorry my bad’, which felt insincere especially when it was incredibly personal to me. I would’ve just let it go if it was just once, but it happened multiple times after that which really started to make me question my trust in her.

Fast forward to last summer, we decided to do our gold DofE expedition together (essentially hiking in the mountains with heavy rucksacks for 4 days) with a group of strangers because it was an open expedition, and I wanted to do it with her just to spend time together. However, for the entire time, she would walk incredibly fast and leaving the rest of the group behind, and also leaving me with no one to talk to for half the expedition until I started talking to another girl in my group.

On the second day of the expedition I decided to go back to my tent, which I share with Liv, to sleep early as I was feeling tired and I wake up at 2am in the pitch dark to see that she still wasn’t back in the tent. It was also incredibly stormy that night, which made me really panic and think she might’ve fallen in a ditch somewhere. I did wait it out for a bit since I was contemplating going out looking for her and she eventually did come back, but when I asked where she’d been she just brushed it off, making me wonder what was I even worrying for.

Next morning, I find out that she had gotten into a relationship with another boy in a different group, which she literally just met two days ago???? Not from her mouth either, which really left me speechless as what do you mean you have a boyfriend two days after you met on a DofE expedition of all places? I was completely shocked, but I didn’t voice my thoughts and I wanted to be supportive as this was her first bf, but I had serious underlying doubts. She still wouldn't walk with me and that night she returned to the tent incredibly late again.

When the expedition was over, I just came home in complete tears as I felt so betrayed by Liv that she’d just toss away years of friendship for a guy she’d just met, refuse to walk with me and also leave me hanging when I was worried where she was at night. I didn’t bring this up to her as I was afraid she’d start blaming me for being a bad friend and not being supportive of her relationship. I also knew she had a lot going on at home and her mental health wasn’t in the best place. This really made me reevaluate our friendship and is probably what caused be to start slowly distancing myself from her. She’s now broken up with the guy and says it’s none of my business why she did.

Last month, I was travelling back home on the bus from school with Liv which I started doing two months ago. Before then I always travelled alone so I wasn't used to always talking on the journey home. That day I was quite ill so I didn't feel like striking a conversation and all of a sudden Liv gets off the bus when it is nowhere near her stop, no goodbye no nothing. Obviously, I’m confused but I just leave it as it wasn’t the first time she’s done this and flat out ignore me, but that evening I found out I’ve been blocked. What did I do wrong? No idea, but I spent the entire night thinking about it. 

Next day, I find out that she had unblocked me and I decided to confront her about it as I wanted to get to the bottom of it, and she tells me that she tried to attempt the previous day and that it was partly my fault. Blocking me was for this reason as well.

Liv then sent a really long text saying how I was a terrible friend, that I never want to talk to her and whenever we’re with a group of friends I always ignore her amongst a bunch of other things she blamed me for. I mentioned that she was very extroverted, and this has caused me to have second hand embarrassment from the slightly outrageous sexual jokes she yells out sometimes, especially when there were other people/teachers around, as I hate attention and I didn’t want to be judged. I explained this to her and I tried to ask her if there was anything I could do to help her feel better because I didn’t want to say anything that would make her feel worse, and to be honest, I had no clue what to do at this point, and had no one to ask as all my friends are her friends. All I thought was that it was completely my fault that I’d unknowingly driven Liv to this point.

All Liv said was ‘you don’t have to do anything’ which really frustrated me as she was clearly suffering because of me but wouldn’t let me do anything to help her feel better So I was essentially powerless in what to do whilst she continued to list off a bunch of my shortcomings, including how it felt like I couldn't appreciate her for who she was.

I decided to finally bring up DofE to her and how I felt betrayed, but she just brushed it off saying how she felt awful that I didn't support her relationship when she would for me if I was in her shoes. She completely disregarded how I felt really hurt when she walked off without me, and would always refute me when I tried to bring up something I felt about her when I just wanted her to understand my point of view.

Now we did try and makeup, but there’s a very obvious rift between us now, and I don’t think we can ever go back to how we used to be. I decided to not text Liv just to give her some space to recover, especially with final exams coming up soon and it's Easter break, and I’m usually the one to text first after a disagreement, but she hasn’t texted in 2 weeks. She’s also let our 300 day snap streak die and I’ve been one handedly sending her snaps for 5 days now. I’m graduating soon, so I won’t see her much more, and I’ve been constantly thinking about what to do about our friendship, as I feel like I have been distancing myself from her for a while now.

I just want some advice on whether I'm the terrible friend especially since she tried to attempt because of me and I keep thinking it's all my fault, but I haven't been able to discuss this with anyone due to how sensitive the topic is. Should I try and save this friendship?

So AITA for thinking of ending this friendship? I'm so sorry this is so long.

TLDR: My closest friend of 4 years attempted partly because of me, saying I was a bad friend when she ditched me on an expedition to get together with a boy she just met, completely disregarded my opinion, says I don’t care about her, but I have been slowly distancing myself for a while now after developing trust issues.