Sorry for the long post. This is a complicated situation with lots of moving parts, so I apologize if things get confusing. All names used are fake.

I (23yo Female) have been completely ignoring my (22yo Female) cousin, who we will call Emily, ever since she started bringing her new boyfriend around. For some background, Emily and I were born less than a year apart and were pretty close growing up. However, as we got older, she would always try to compare us and made everything a competition. When I started going to her school in 8th grade, she got really jealous that I had more friends than her and that I was chosen for our dance court when she wasn't. Fast forward to freshman year, she and a group of other girls in our class started talking crap about me because one of my friends who was a guy broke up with his girlfriend and they thought I was the reason. I had no interest in the guy, we were just in the same youth group at church. At my freshman homecoming, Emily and the other girls were all standing around pointing at me and laughing because I was standing off to the side alone. I ended up leaving early.

Fast forward to sometime in junior or senior year, Emily starts dating this guy, who we will call Toby. Toby was the cousin of a guy named Owen, the boy that Emily lied about her age to try and get with. Once Owen found out about her age, he stopped talking to her, so she got with Toby. I think it is important to note that Toby and Owen look almost exactly alike, they could be brothers rather than cousins. It's also important that you know that Owen started dating my older sister after he stopped talking to Emily. When Emily and Toby got together, Emily started dressing and acting just like my older sister. It was almost as if Emily was trying to live my sister's life because my sister was with Owen and Emily couldn't be. Fast forward a few years, Toby and Emily get engaged. Emily asks me to be a bridesmaid, and I accept. We had worked out some drama in the past and were in a decent place. As the wedding got closer, I started noticing that Toby was acting weird. Having gotten to know Toby over the years as Emily's partner and as the cousin to Owen, my now brother in law, I felt like we were decent friends.

The day of the dress rehearsal comes and we all gather at the wedding venue for rehearsal. It is apparent to everyone that Toby does not want to be there. Nevertheless, Toby and Emily get married and we all move on. Then like three months later, I come home from school to find Emily talking to my mom about how she had moved out of the house that her and Toby had bought. She told us this story of how awful he treated her and that she was the only one trying to save the relationship. Come to find out, Emily had been sleeping with a guy that Toby knew through demo derbies. Emily had even taped herself hooking up with this guy and sent it to Toby. I'm not saying Toby was perfect and couldn't have been a bad husband, but I thought it was convenient that Emily left out the sex tapes and other stuff. After Emily and Toby separated, Emily and her parents started lying to the entire family about the circumstances, including to our grandfather.

Six months after the wedding, Emily starts talking to this guy that lives a few hours south of where we live. Mind you, her and Toby had not even filed for divorce yet. Emily had brought this new guy around a few times when hanging with her friends, and told another cousin of ours that they were dating. Then Emily brings this new guy to our church, flaunting him like a prize pony. When our grandpa asked who he was, Emily said he was just a friend. She continues to tell him this story to this day, even though Emily and her parents went to meet his family like two weeks ago. Emily has always done whatever she wanted and doesn't care who she hurts in the process. I have seen Toby at some parties for Owen and my sister's kids, and have talked to him about this whole thing. He is just ready for it all to be over. Emily filed for divorce in December, but things keep being delayed because she is making to many demands. We all think she only got with Toby because he makes decent money and has a well known name in the area that we live in. Toby was smart though and made her sign a prenup (something she told me to my face she didn't do even though I've seen it with my own eyes). I do not like the way Emily has handled this whole situation and I have been ignoring her for a while now. I just want to get everyone's opinion. Am I the asshole?