This happened earlier today, and I honestly feel sick about it. It’s been a rough few weeks after a major fallout with the rest of my family, but today was the final straw, and it came from my dad.

He called me after attending a funeral for one of his close friends. I didn’t go I barely knew the man but he said the service made him think of me, which I appreciated at first. But the conversation quickly shifted. He started asking what my plans are for life, and mentioned that his late friend’s daughters were doing so much living with him, raising kids, being “stable.” I told him I’m building my own business. I didn’t go into deep detail because honestly, it’s personal and fragile. But it’s real, and it’s my passion. It’s one of the only things that makes me feel like I have a future, a purpose. I don’t have a big support system. I don’t have many friends. My boyfriend and my roommate are pretty much the only people I deal with regularly, and if they were gone tomorrow, I’d be completely alone except for my dogs.

My business is the legacy I want to leave behind. It’s the one thing in my life that I feel is truly mine. But when I said that to my dad, he just… sighed. Like it wasn’t enough. Like I wasn’t enough. Then he told me I wasn’t disposable, but that I was just “a lot to handle.”

That one sentence broke me. Because all my life, I’ve been labeled as “a lot” by people who never took the time to actually listen to me. I’ve struggled with mental health issues since I was a child, chronic anxiety, depression, trauma. I grew up with a physically and mentally abusive mother who was also my best friend some days. She kept me close by keeping me dependent. She refused to let me grow, sabotaged my independence, and manipulated me constantly. I didn’t go to college because she didn’t want me to leave her. She died in 2019, and while I was grieving the loss of my mom, I was also grieving the abuse I endured and the fact that I was never really allowed to become my own person.

When I try to explain how my anxiety can make even the simplest things hard, my family hears it as excuses. They give advice, and when I can’t follow it, they treat me like I’m just being difficult. Then I end up apologizing, again and again, for being “too emotional,” “too sensitive,” “too much.” But no one ever apologizes to me. No one ever just listens.

So I tried explaining that to my dad, how I feel like he only shows up when I’m in a crisis. When I just want to spend time with him—like go to a movie, sit at a park, anything simple—he never follows through. I’ve spent so many hours fully dressed, waiting like a kid for her dad to pick her up, just for him to not show up. But if I say I need help—groceries, a ride, an emergency—he answers. So eventually, that’s all I called for. Not because I want to use him, but because that’s what he’s been reliable for.

I told him I wanted more than that. I wanted him to be reliable in my life, not just in crisis. His response? “Then don’t ask me for anything again.”

That hurt more than I can even explain. I’ve been trying my hardest to figure out life on my own. My mom taught me just enough to keep me dependent, but never enough to actually thrive. I’m not making excuses—I’m genuinely trying to grow. I just wanted a dad who would be there. I wanted support that wasn’t conditional or resentful.

So I said, “Fine. Then let’s just leave each other alone for good.” And I hung up.

Now I’m sitting here wondering if I went too far. Was I wrong for reacting like that? Was it too harsh? I feel like I’ve been trying to build boundaries that no one respects, and every time I get brave enough to say “this hurts me,” I get punished for it.

So, Reddit—AITA for cutting my dad off after he told me to never ask him for anything again?