i (22M) had been a very close friend with this one friend (22F) for almost 6 years now. i started the conversation when she posted a story about how she’s emotionally in need and that she’s struggling with her home life. we became more and more close after some time when we found out we do have lots of common interests and we would talk non stop, even until i fall asleep. last year, i made a few projects for her which involved some playlists and lyric/art book to go along with the playlist itself (her favorite hobby is also making playlists). it was admittedly my most creative time of my life yet. except she hasn’t been listening to the majority of the songs because she’s been emotionally unavailable due to her family falling apart like death and conflicts. i do not blame her for it.

but you see, she’s a dropout with no reliable job. all i wanted to do was to remind her that not everything she wants is what she should splurge for. she usually quotes “i don’t buy a lot of things, and if i do, id only borrow money from trusty people and get allowances to pay them back”. now that doesn’t sound too bad until you understand that she has very manipulative parents and those are the only people she get by off. she has no personal income. every time she goes to get her mental health diagnose, it all would go to waste and that nothing can “fix” her. she’s been this way ever since i became her friend. and every time i try to help her or give her any sort of useful advice, she would always defend it with “you could’ve just said ok or let it slide/be supportive” when ive always been doing so with the things she does in her life, unless she feeds into her shopping addictions that she knows she can’t afford. that’s usually because i’d be genuinely worried things might worse for her, especially since she will never ever have a job (at least that’s if she never has the desire to). i’ve been a working man for almost 2 years that’s why i wanted to feel like i need to say something (i could’ve easily stayed silent but i’d be too caring).

she’s been so emotionally unavailable that all of our recent conversations are just her blaming me that i “hurt her feelings cuz i don’t know how to sugarcoat opinions or advices”. i tried to apologize and was hoping she would be my friend again. but on the second thought, she never really bothers with anything. she only used to care about me because she wanted the comfort of being herself. i however have been through my lowest AND my highest and she’s seen me going through all of it. it’s just sad that she never tried to learn from it because she thinks that “everyone is different” and it’s ok for her to bedrot and constantly make her weight and mental health worse like this.

maybe i’m the ahole for not letting her live her life, but either way, i feel like i’ve done too much for her and even though most of what she did for me was the company, she never really became the person i aspire to be…. and im thinking maybe from now all of my friends must match out energy and drive themselves to make progress everyday. but since ive made so much memories with her, im afraid im an ahole, even though i do stand by myself a little bit.

fyi, maybe the term “cutting off” is too far fetched here. if anything, we’re on good terms here. i didn’t “leave” her. but i’m staying away from her as she’s been adding more to my plate.