My parents make me wanna commit.

I (15F) have a (31F) Mom and a (37M) Dad. For context, my mom had me at 16 and my Dad was 22. I have 3 other siblings- (13M), (8M) and (3F). Both my brothers are severely autistic and have challenging needs.

I struggle a lot with them, however my mom is similarly autistic to me- We both have Asperges. We don't know if my dad is on the spectrum, he believes he's normal, but acts mostly ADHD, which wouldn't surprise me because one of my brothers has ADHD too.

However, they constantly guiltrip me. For example, today they came home after me being home alone. And they got in an argument with me because I didn't do the rest of my homework, yet I've done half of it, a page and over, and it's an exam question style. Mock exams are starting soon and my school is stressing me out. I've tried explaining to them that I cannot do it when I am out of focus or attention span, because I will just end up fucking it up. I told them that I also had to stay with the dog, as they usually ask me to, so I didn't have enough time for it. I have a routine. After dinner, which is around 12, I can go to my room and do what I want up there. And I come down at 6 to tidy up my siblings toys because they're obviously incapable due to having severe needs. Will not lie, I do get paid for this, so it's okay. But by the time they got home, it was 5 o'clock. I haven't had tea yet, only dinner at 12, so obviously you'd understand that I only have about an hour to do the homework and I was tired. They guiltripped me, however, by saying that they were horrible parents apparently. I told them I never said that, and mam turns around and tells me how she feels like it.

My dad acts like he hates me, but he's weird at the same time. This morning, he came up to my bedroom door while I was getting changed. I told him I was half naked and getting changed and he said oh well, walked in even though I was uncomfortable. I hid behind the door. He was like oh, I've seen it all before I've cleaned you when you were a baby. Yeah, when I was a baby and wasn't fully developed. Now I'm a teenager who has boundaries and privacy. But he's also got my brothers to open my bedroom door while I've been getting changed, because they're autistic and they'll go along with it, not knowing his intentions. Yet, he purposely hides my stuff, like my makeup and all sorts. I've self harmed before, and he hid my scissors under my pillow to frame me about doing it again. He's put makeup all over my mams stuff and blamed it on me. He'll look through my phone and twist everything and make me look like a bad person. Like the other month, he told my mam that I was telling my best friend that I hated all the long travelling in the car and that it wad horrible. She then had a go at me, so I turned around and told her to look at my phone. She then realised I didn't do anything but explain to my friend how long the fucking car drive was. She's always on my dad's side. Whenever I'm banned off my phone, my dad will mutter stuff trying to annoy me, such as 'Oh I'm just going to go on my phone' or fake laughing and saying oh I'm texting my friends. Or he'll purposely make noises I hate as an autistic person then guiltrip me saying that he's just a person himself and he can do whatever he wants.

My mam hit me four times last week. All because I argued with my dad. She said to never talk to my dad in such a way, even though I didn't really do anything. Everytime she gets super angry, she'll hit me. Every once in a while she grabs my neck. Today, she grabbed my wrist while I was about to go to the stairs and I flinched. Then she started having a go at me, grabbing my wrist harder, saying that I shouldn't be flinching like that, and that I'm not a hurt child. But when I'm with my mam alone, we can talk about anything and she acts nice. Same with my dad. When they're together they team against me and are just horrible.

My nana (60F), my dad's mom, recently got diagnosed with Cancer. Turns out she's had it for a few years now and we don't know how long she has. I understand it was emotional time, and they were both struggling. But, I let my friends know and they're having a go at me about attention seeking, even though I struggle with death and I was just upset, I wasn't attention seeking. They say I'm horrible for telling my friends my nana has cancer. I was ranting to my friend how they don't let me do certain stuff, they looked at my phone and guiltripped me by saying they're shit parents. My mam told me the other week that she wants to kill herself because of me and my Dad arguing. She says I ruin most of her life.

Last time I also self harmed, I was banned off my phone at the time and they said I was only self harming to get my phone back. And that I was attention seeking. It was actually because of them. It always is. I wanted to commit suicide back then. Now, all those thoughts have came back. They argue with me telling me that I get everything that I want, but objects don't make it any better. I want love, not some sort of piece of makeup. I want care. I want to kill myself as well, but I'm too scared.

I don't know what is going on. Are they emotionally abusive? Or anything else? Advice?