I (27F) had been friends with Ben (30M) for over a year. Our friendship was entirely online, we played games together, watched movies, and spent a lot of time hanging out. A few weeks in, he invited me to join his Discord server, where I quickly became friends with several other people. We all joked around, enjoyed each other's company, and for a while, everything was easy. No drama, no issues.

For about six months, me and Ben hung out almost every day, sometimes just the two of us, sometimes with everyone from the server. I had moved away from my home state and hadn’t really made any new friends in person yet, so that Discord group started to feel like my second home. Everyone was super welcoming, and Ben honestly felt more like a brother than anything else. Then around six months in, Ben met his girlfriend, (25F). They had met while playing a game, and hit it off instantly. I was really happy for him, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little nervous to meet her. There’s always that weird thing about guy-girl friendships, and part of me worried she might not like me just because I was a woman.

Ben kept harping me about meeting her, which was understandable as they were long distance, and I couldn't avoid her forever as the only way they could hang out was the same way I had been hanging out with him for the last six months. Eventually, Ben managed to get us all into a Discord call at the same time.

At first, it was a little awkward, so I let her and Ben do most of the talking. She was really sweet and kind, and over the next few weeks, I’d like to think we started to get along pretty well. I have pretty bad social anxiety, so it’s hard for me to open up to people, and there were times when she’d ask Ben if I liked her, or mention being nervous around me. I always reassured her, telling her how happy I was that they’d met and how excited I was for them to meet in person one day. Everything went smoothly for the next 8 to 10 months after that.

Two weeks ago, my boyfriend and I were talking about Ben. He asked how Ben and his girlfriend were doing, and I said they were fine, although Ben had been in a bad mood lately and pretty rude to everyone around him. I mentioned that it sucked because Ben always pointed out how sensitive I was, which might be true, but sometimes he crossed the line with the jokes he made. His girlfriend had mentioned the same thing to me, and we both related to it. Then my boyfriend asked if I’d stay friends with Ben’s girlfriend if they ever broke up, and I said no, it would be too awkward.

A few days later, Ben and his girlfriend started arguing. She texted me about how he had hurt her feelings, and I was trying to comfort her. Ben told me to get her into the Discord call, and jokingly, I said I’d have to say something mean about him to get her to join. That conversation with my boyfriend popped back into my head, so I mentioned it to him and the other two people in the call. Ben seemed offended and said he didn’t care if I stayed friends with her, adding, 'It’s almost been a year, we’re not breaking up anyway.' I got this bad feeling in my stomach, knowing I’d probably said the wrong thing and explained it badly, but I tried to brush it off as just my anxiety and moved on with my night.

Fast forward to a few days ago. Six of us were playing Repo, including me, Ben, his girlfriend, and three other friends. Ben's girlfriend had been pretty drunk, but I thought she was having a good time. At one point, when we were alone in the game, she said, 'I really do see you as a genuine friend, OP.' I told her I felt the same, and she giggled a bit. Then she added, 'In past relationships, my partners broke up with me, and their friends never spoke to me again.' Right then, I knew Ben had said something to her. I just kept playing, not really saying much. Since I had work the next morning, after we lost the next round, I told everyone I was heading to bed.

Once I got off, Ben's girlfriend texted me, and the following conversation ensued:

Her: "I'm not drunk, just tipsy enough to be real. You're like... my real friend. And I know it's not really the same."

Me: "girl do you know how bad i want to gossip with you and text you and just hang out? i'm shy and figured you'd only wanna hang out if Ben was around."

Her: "He told me the other say you said it would be awkward to hang with me alone. But it's cool girl. I know it's weird being friends with girls."

Me: "that's not what I said at all. I don't think it's weird to be friends with girls. If that's what he said and how he said it I'm not going to call him a liar and I am sorry if I hurt your feelings at all."

Her: "I don't think it's weird. I think that it can be awkward absolutely. I have no bad feelings towards you, I just understand."

Me: "But that's not even what I said."

Her: " Maybe not lol but I am not dumb, I've got it. it's cool bby. You're my boyfriends bestfriend, no worries."

Me: "idk what's happening but that's not what I said or how I meant it but I get your feelings so I am just going to leave this whole thing alone because I don't want to cause any drama. "

Her: "No drama girl, ily. We're good."

Me: "like I said, I genuinely didn't mean it the way it's being taken but I think it's best for everyone if I take myself out of the equation because now it's just awkward and I would rather you all be happy so again I'm sorry for anything I may have done but I truly didn't mean it how it came across."

After this, I proceeded to block/delete everyone I had ever met through Ben, including Ben, on every platform possible, as well as leaving the discord group. His girlfriend kept trying to call me and I felt awful, but this was genuinely my worst nightmare. I had spent over a year getting to know everyone, spent money and so, so much time with them but I knew I couldn't handle hanging out with them after that. Ben tried reaching out to me as well, but I knew even if everything would work out, him and everyone else would never let me live this one down. I cried a lot and I will miss them, but I think it is better off if I am not part of that friend group anymore.