Long story short, I was brought up by this family member because my parents were too busy at work. Now I’m an adult I finally realise how toxic that person’s love is. I know that person loves me with all they have but… 1) they didn’t let me do anything myself like house chores, cooking, cleaning, etc. and insisted on doing them all. I was not able to make any decisions on my own like what shoes I’d wear or what clothes to buy. The result? I didn’t know how to live an independent live, all i know was studying. When I got a scholarship to study abroad at a good university, the person had a literal breakdown because they believed i would not be able to live independently and take care of myself. They begged me not to go and tried to scare me with so many things. I knew I had to and it was the only way I could “break free” from their “love”. 2) growing up with this person gave me anxious tendency in relationships (romantic relationship and all other kinds too). Why? Because if they ever felt unhappy because of something I did or said, they would threaten to abandon me. They would pack up clothes and be gone for a few days but never told me where they went. Then they would return and continued to “love” me as usual. This was a vicious cycle all my life up until i left home at 18. As a kid when they would leave on a tantrum like that, i would cry every day and was in complete despair because they were my caregiver and i was completely dependent on them. This taught me that “love” is supposed to feel like a roller coaster of emotions, like this. This took me years and many failed relationships to unlearn. 3) fast forward to now, i live in a different country and sometimes i come home to visit them, they still act the way they did back then. They still blow things out of proportion and throw tantrums and threaten to leave. Just like when i was a child. I tried explaining to them the effects of their toxic love on me but they first got offended and then threatened to leave home again. This time I cut all communications. I stopped talking to them altogether. I returned to my home and cried for days because I felt like I hurt them. But what can I do? AITA for wanting to protect my peace? I worked so hard to be on this roller coaster ride again.