For context: I (36F) have been with my partner (37M) for two years. I come from a background of heavy abuse—both from family and past partners. I’ve done a lot of therapy (weekly at first, now monthly and ongoing). Because of that, I don’t react with yelling, stonewalling, or dramatic exits. I’ve learned to stay calm and engage thoughtfully in conflict.

We met casually at a BBQ, had months of platonic conversation before anything romantic happened. I wasn’t actively dating but made the first move eventually. Throughout the relationship, I’ve been the one to make most of the effort—planning holidays (which I often take alone due to his work), organizing dates, and weekend getaways. I didn’t complain because I accepted that this is just how he is. It was disappointing, but I settled.

Lately, I’ve started to express some needs. When he’s away for work, he can go days without contacting me. He rarely checks in or initiates conversation, saying "texting isn’t his thing." When I bring it up, he shuts it down and says I’m trying to change him, or that I’m difficult. His go-to line is “there’s always something with you” whenever I try to talk openly about our communication or the relationship. Or lack of.

Now here’s where I need perspective: His career has been thriving. He just got back from his first big work trip—a month away, with barely any contact between us. I didn’t push because I didn’t want to add stress or seem clingy. We spoke once on the phone, where he yelled at me when I simply asked if he had a rough idea of when he'd be home.

After the trip, he ran a marathon he’d been training for. That weekend, he was short, on edge, and a bit snappy. I kept things calm, cheered him on along the route, and supported him the whole way. At the finish line, I asked for a photo—he declined. But then took photos with others. On the drive home, he took a selfie and sent it to a woman he’d worked with while away. I calmly asked if she knew about me, and he exploded—yelling that I have an ugly personality, calling me a walking red flag and psychotic.

I didn’t yell. I explained I was feeling insecure and needed some reassurance—especially since I get no selfies or texts, and suddenly one is being sent to another woman. I let him rant, got him home, ran him a salt bath, made his lunch, and gave him space for the afternoon.

Now, he says I ruined his entire marathon day and achievements. That I made it all about me.

So—AITA for calmly asking for clarity and reassurance in that moment? Was I wrong for drawing a small boundary?