Now, I know how the title sounds, and based off the title alone you may deem me as the asshole. But allow me to explain. I (22 female) and my friend Kristy (22 female) got into it pretty bad recently. For context, kristy and i have been getting pretty close for the past year. we were like two peas in a pod. inseparable. I always had her back and she always had mine… so i thought.

A few months prior to the event, I was seeing this guy, Kevin (23 male). Everything was going well with Kevin until I found out that Kevin was also seeing Kristy behind my back. I found out when Kevin had a gathering at his house, and when i walked into his room to grab something , Kristy was in his bed naked. I quietly closed the door and left, not talking to either one of them until Kristy one day came over and explained to me that she didn’t know that Kevin and I were serious like that. Now, we weren’t in an exclusive relationship, but I did tell her that I was seeing him. And before the comments, while we were not exclusive, that does not make it hurt any less to see your closest friend in bed with someone you have genuine feelings for. Even if we weren’t “serious” I genuinely feel like it’s girl code not to sleep with someone you know your friend has feelings for, but maybe that’s just how i was raised. Anyways, I forgave Kristy and we collectively decided that we were both done with Kevin and moved on.

Fast forward a month later, Kristy started dating a mutual friend of ours, Damon (20 male) while I enjoyed being single and stress free. I will mention that Kevin has been trying to keep contact with me to “Make Up” for what happened. I wasn’t buying it though, and I told Kristy everything. She said that he was desperate & needed to move on with life & that she doesn’t understand why he keeps reaching out. I agreed, blocked him and thought that was the end. That same week there was a really big halloween party that Kristy wanted to go to in a different city, and I agreed. I figured i could use a night out from the stress of work and school. So we got ourselves ready, and we left.

The party itself was pretty fun. Kristy and I had a few drinks and enjoyed ourselves. It’s about what happened as we were trying to leave the party. And No, neither of us drove, we had a designated driver and other friends along with us at the party as well.

It was getting late, around the time we agreed to leave the party , and I was looking for Kristy at our meet up spot so we could go home. There were a lot of people that we knew at this party , and Kristy is the type of person that likes to walk around and mingle so we agreed that we would look over each others location through the night in the event we weren’t together. Well, that’s exactly what I did when she was no where to be found. I followed her location to the side of the party and it took me to this empty car parked on the street. I was pretty drunk and didn’t think to look into the car, especially because I didn’t recognize it. I called her, asked her location, and she told me that she was with one of our other friends in her car and hung up. I knew that was a lie immediately because the friend that she named wasn’t even there. I called her again and the second lie was that she was in front of the party throwing up. Of course my drunk ass wasn’t registering that this time that she was lying again so i ran to the front of the party to come to her aid and she again, was not there. I kept calling and calling and no answer. By this time 30 mins have gone by, I was outside drunk, cold , and home was about an hour drive away.

I started getting upset and asked around if anyone has seen her and guess what they all told me? That they seen her about 40 minutes ago get into the car with Kevin. My heart dropped. I looked at her location again, followed it back to that vacant car, looked a little harder and there she was. with kevin, in the backseat. I called her one last time asking where she was and that i need to go home. It took about 10 calls for her to finally answer and she told me that she was inside the party and would come now. 5 minutes goes by and that “empty” car then started, pulled up to the front of the party and Kristy jumped out fixing her clothes and ran to me. I was LIVID. That car then made a Uturn and pulled up to the side of us and it was in fact Kevin. I started blowing up on Kristy, called her a snake bitch, and then had a silent ride home.

I didn’t speak to her for two weeks, and during this time Kevin was blowing up my phone every single day from blocked numbers. I finally got tired and answered one of his calls. He then told me the most disturbing thing i’ve ever heard. he said “ OP, im so sorry. I don’t want that little ugly girl, i want you. It only happened because she was easy. you know, sometimes when girls feen for male validation because they grew up ugly, they become easy.” I was even more enraged at this and hung up. all i could think was that this girl ruined our friendship over a dude that doesn’t care about her, or neither one of us for that matter.

Well, i guess kristy was upset that i have been ignoring her and told everyone that I was upset with her over a guy i can’t have, that i was jealous of her that she gets guys and I don’t and that I embarrassed her because now she had to explain her sex life to our friends.

Most of our mutual friends have been telling me that im the asshole because if kristy wants to be a hoe, then to let her be a hoe. some think that i should let it go and apologize to Kristy because Kevin & I weren’t in a relationship. Now i’m starting to wonder if i actually am the asshole. I feel like i’m going crazy. so reddit, am i the asshole for “embarrassing” my friend over a guy because i should have “just let her be a hoe ?”