I recently ended two long-term friendships and am feeling conflicted.

One friend, “T,” repeatedly broke my trust. She was often selfish, focused on herself, and flirted with many men, which led to several broken relationships. I found myself constantly confronting her about her behavior on behalf of others in our circle, but she would apologize and cry, promising to change, only to repeat the same mistakes. After a final betrayal where she exposed herself to a taken friend (and the situation caused trauma for that friend), I decided to end the friendship. Even after, she texted me saying she wasn’t eating or sleeping, but I couldn’t bring myself to respond. Her mom also kept requesting skincare discounts from my workplace, and I found it unsettling when I saw her distracting herself online while not dealing with the issue.

The second friend, “E,” had better intentions but lacked empathy in some key ways. She was forgetful and didn’t show much interest in my life. For example, when I expressed personal struggles, she wouldn’t follow up or ask how I was doing. When I needed communication, she would offer gestures like paying for food or offering rides, which, while nice, didn’t align with what I needed: emotional support. In a final conversation, I realized she didn’t even know what my job was, which hurt because I felt she wasn’t truly invested in me. I had tried to communicate this to her, but she didn’t seem to remember.

After ending both friendships, E sent me a letter accusing me of mistreating T, unaware that I was the one who tried to intervene during the indecent exposure incident, trying to make things right before it escalated. E didn’t know that I was the one confronting T about her actions and attempting to save the trip. This left me feeling burdened, especially since T has a history of playing the victim.

Now, I’m in a new social circle that shows real care—my friends check in on me, remember my favorite things, and ask about my goals. (I find myself tearing up if they remember a small thing about me.) I feel so much more supported, but I still feel guilty about ending these friendships. I’m also struggling with E’s letter and the fallout from my decision.

I’ve been in therapy for a while, working on lowering my expectations of others and being less selfless/forgiving. However, it does make me overthink because my therapist says that I seek the basic needs of a friendship.

Is a closure talk mandatory? These were the longest friends i've had; since high school.