So, I've been friends with this girl, lets call her Val since we were literally in kindergarten — she's one of my oldest and closest friends. Last year, I opened up to her about a very traumatic relationship I had with a guy named Joe. I told her everything — the emotional abuse, the manipulation, and things I don’t even want to repeat. She knows how deeply he hurt me and how his actions still impact in my relationship, self image and even social life.

To give more context, earlier this year (on March 8th, actually), she ran into Joe's ex by coincidence, and, without knowing much about my story, she told Val that Joe had also been abusive to her. My friend later told me that pretty much everyone at her university (she studies at the same university as his ex) has bad things to say about him. And her latest ex also said he needed a lobotomy. So it's not just my word against his — there’s a pattern.

Anyway, today my boyfriend, saw Val hanging out with Joe in the main hall of our university (She does not go here. Only me and Joe but this is a public campus so anyone can get in). I wasn’t there, so I messaged her asking why she hadn’t told me she was coming and why she was hanging out with him. She just laughed and said, “I thought you weren’t on campus today.” (Which is not true bc she knows my classes). I got this sinking feeling, so I checked her socials — turns out she just started following him on both her public and private Instagram accounts and even on Twitter. Her private acc is pretty active and full of stories, pics of me and our friend group and stuff like that.

Look, I know I can’t control who my friends hang out with. But I honestly expected some basic empathy. She's known me forever, and she’s one of the few people who truly knows everything I went through.

I’ve spent a whole year trying to cut off contact with his entire circle. Seeing her — someone from my safe space — willingly bring him back into my life felt like a punch in the gut. So I messaged her this:

"Hey Val, how are you?

I'm writing not to argue or make you uncomfortable, but because I consider you a close friend, and I think it’s important we talk when something affects us emotionally. That should matter to both of us.

What hurt me the most today wasn't that you decided not to hang out with me — that’s your choice — but that you chose to spend time with Joe. You're one of the few people who knows the full story, every detail, and how deeply he hurt me emotionally, physically, and in other ways I won’t even mention here. You've even heard from other people that he’s not a good person.

You have every right to be friends with whoever you want. I’m not demanding anything. But I also have the right to feel hurt. I noticed you follow him on all your social media accounts. I'm not trying to be the social media police, but I want to be honest: I’ve worked so hard to stay away from anything related to him, and what happened today made me feel really uncomfortable.

Including him in your circle — especially the one that used to be my safe space — makes me feel like I can’t be secure in our friendship anymore. So I’m asking, respectfully and with all the history we share, that if you do choose to continue your connection with him, please keep me out of it. Don’t share anything about me with him. Please respect how hard I’ve worked to put distance between myself and that pain.

Thank you for reading this and for understanding where I’m coming from."

So yeah. I didn't insult her or tell her what to do, I just explained my side and set a boundary. But now she is not replying to any of my messages. Some of my friends told me i should cut her off completely, but others told me i was controlling and I souldn't have checked her following list. I really don’t think I am being dramatic, but now I’m questioning myself.

AITA for feeling this way and sending that message?