My (23M) long-distance relationship ended last week after a year together. My ex (21F) broke up with me over the phone. The last couple weeks had been rocky—she was partying a lot, barely present when we talked, and would even fall asleep during our calls. A big issue throughout our relationship was her close friendship with a guy she used to date briefly—I'll call him John. She didn’t tell me about their history until a couple months in, and that lack of transparency shook me. I’ve been cheated on before, so I was upfront about how dynamics like that made me uncomfortable. I did my best to trust her and manage my own insecurities, even when they flared up.

She and John were very close. Getting coffee alone before class, hanging out one-on-one at home (sometimes without mentioning it), and staying out together late, like one night when they left a party and were alone at his place until 3am. Earlier in the relationship, when I asked if I could talk to John and clear the air, she shut it down, saying he “wouldn’t handle it well.”

I never expected her to stop being friends with him. I just asked that she be transparent about when they hung out. I never wanted to find out or hear about it from someone else and leave room for misunderstanding. She saw it as controlling and said she was exhausted and needed more independence.

I wasn’t perfect either. I overthought things, got emotional, once went through her phone. I struggled with jealousy. But I was always honest about where I was coming from and tried to work through it without placing blame.

After the breakup, I was grieving but making peace with it. We’d agreed to take time and maybe reconnect as friends eventually. Then, a week later, a friend showed me John’s Instagram. He’d posted a photo of them clearly on a date. He had blocked me. She removed me on all socials the next day.

I reached out (without mentioning the post), just to check in. She replied coldly, saying she’d changed her mind and wanted no contact. No ownership, not much conversation. Just done.

I said my goodbyes, apologized for my part in everything, and wished her well. But I feel so hurt and betrayed. After everything I did to trust her and honor her friendships, it feels like she just proved all my fears right and walked away without really acknowledging it.

AITA for feeling like I didn’t deserve this?

TL;DR My ex and I were long-distance for over a year. I struggled with how close she was to a guy she had been on a date with (John), but I tried to trust her and just asked for transparency. She broke up with me, then a week later I found out she went on a date with John. She unadded me on everything, gave no explanation, and cut off contact. I feel blindsided and betrayed. AITA for feeling like I didn’t deserve this?