Ok, so I realize that this post is extremely generalising, and I am open to the possibility that I might be the whole problem here.

For some context, I have an autistic brother and he is my whole world. He is sweet and caring and has such a pure heart. Sure, he can be a bit intense and sometimes he comes off as rude because he doesn't understand the social norms, or people think he is implying something he isn't, but that is totally ok. He does have some black and white thinking and can come off as argumentative, but that's just because of how his brain works and not because he is arrogant. I "speak his language" and know he doesn't mean anything bad, he is trying his best and is the sweetest person.

I have generally felt like because of my brother, I am pretty good at understanding what autistic people mean. It makes me really sad when I see my brother, or other autistic people, be judged or brushed off or have people assume the worst about them. I think we should all assume the best and be patient and kind, we have no idea what struggles or resources people might have. And I've known a lot of super sweet autistic people.

Here's the thing. Lately, almost all the other autistic people I meet are absolutely insufferable. They will micro manage everything, judge others extremely harshly, refuse to show consideration for anyone and show no empathy at all. I am not talking about showing empathy in different ways than me or forgetting to ask how I am doing (I have adhd and get that it doesn't mean they don't care), but being outright judgemental and disinterested when someone does open up or explain. I am also not saying that I expect someone (especailly with autism, but generally too) to know when I find their micro managing frustrating and why. I also don't expect them to be able to assess and interpret social cues to know how and when to show consideration. I'm talking about being told that a behaviour is hurtful or being told about someone elses special needs or sore points and not caring about it. Because thats not how they see it, and they don't want to have to adjust. They also seem to have a victim mentality in common, and a very hostile attitude towards everyone they meet.

The way I see it we all have to adjust and try to be considerate, and we all should assume the best and be patient. I absolutely empathise with having had to be the only one who has to adjust and being seen as "wrong" your whole life, and that maybe people are just getting fed up with that. But acting that way themselves and saying that neurotypicals are the wrong ones isn't helpful. It's gotten to the point where I am so fed up with bad behaviour being justified by autism that I just feel done with these people.

Am I just a big A who is being ableist and projecting? Are these people just jerks who happen to be autistic, and I'm generalising (the same way i criticize them for doing)? Or is it actually a pattern that comes from the culture in some autistic online communities or something else? Can it be a possibility that trauma or bad character traits are exacerbated by autism?