Alright, this is a long post and I didn’t mean for it to be that long.

A couple of months ago my friend, we’ll call her E, invited me (19F) and my other friend, A, to hang out with a guy she met in one of her classes and his friends. E had a bf so she couldn’t hang out with the guy, R (19M), alone but when R suggested a group hangout she said that was alright. E had told both me and A that she thought R had a crush on her but it wasn’t confirmed but she obviously didn’t like him back bc she had a bf.

We hangout with them and everything seems normal and then we realized R and his friend S are actually cool people so we came back. The time we came back was the day R started coming onto me. He was flirty and it took me a minute to realize what was happening because I have only been flirted with a couple of times and he had by far came on the most strong.

R started walking me home every night and then we would have 2 hour long conversations in front of my door before he would kiss me goodnight. He texted me all the time, asked questions about me, he watched an entire anime because I said it was my favorite. He watched the entire thing and then said he loved it and would talk about how it was the best one when I was around. He made a special effort to include me in conversations because I naturally don’t talk that much especially with new people.

Then he told me he did not want a relationship. Now that is obviously when I should have stopped it all but this guy was the first guy that I liked to actual like me back, he was my first kiss my first real romantic interaction. So I said then what is this and he said he was just ‘going with the flow’ so I said okay and went with it too. I learned R had just gotten cheated on a few months before so I could understand not wanting anything serious. A bit later he asked me if I wanted to do fwb and I ended up agreeing, which I definitely should not have done but I did anyway.

Then he cut it off with me. He sent this big long text saying that i am great and a really nice person and he still wants to be friends with me just without the benefits part. Said it would be better for our friendship. This was about a month after we had met.

So atp we were going over to R and his roommates apartment every night. My friends always wanted to be over there so they would call and ask if we could all come over and the guys always said yes. One night we’re over there, it’s about 2 weeks after thing ended between me and R, and R starts being touchy all over both of my friends. Grabbing their waist, rubbing their thigh, leaning in close. But he does it all so subtly that I felt like I couldn’t say anything. I also didn’t say anything bc i told myself I shouldn’t bc it’s nobody’s fault but mine that I developed feelings for him.

R starts being touchy daily and I kept not saying anything until one night I blew up at the entire group because I was hurt. R knew I liked him (I told him one night when I was drunk), and A and E 1000% knew I liked him. Bc weeks prior to this A and E had found me crying in the bathroom when we were all supposed to be bowling. I was upset bc I was watching them be all over him (more so A than E). So, I blew up that night then stormed home and then the next day I called R saying it’s insensitive of him to do that with MY friends in front of me. Out of the ppl why my friends?? Then E called me asking how I was and that she would stop letting him be all over her bc I had expressed multiple times how I felt about him, and then I called A and she told me that she would back off bc she ‘didn’t realize how much I liked him’. Next E tells me that R told her he likes her two weeks ago (this was when the five of us went on a trip together). I think that was my realization that R never ever liked me.

But anyway a week goes by and everything’s okay bc I thought I got the message across and everyone had stopped messing with each other. All until A calls me. She calls asking “how much did u rlly like R?” I’m like why? She says that he and her have been in a talking stage and she really likes him and wants to try and see where it goes and she called to ask me how I’d feel about it. Then she says that they’ve kissed before and she stops it when it gets too much. Then she tells me he also kissed E when we were on the trip AND a week ago. Things no one told me until right then. I was under the impression that everyone stopped messing with each other, but maybe I’m just dumb because they are there literally every night and will sometimes spend the night.

A says that both she and E liked R when they first met him but didn’t say anything cuz he was coming onto me. So when fwb with me and him ended A thought she could get with him since we never dated. But she knew I liked him. A and I have been best friends since we were in elementary school and she said herself she had never seen me more upset. Then E says that he’s always liked her and it apparently was confirmed but she had a bf at the time so nothing could happen (her and her bf were having problems and that’s around the same time R cut things off with me and starts touching all over E and A.) also, turns out R got cheated on ONE month before starting things with me, had I known that I would have done things a lot differently.

So to sum it up, both of my friends E and A have always liked R, kept it a secret bc they ‘wanted to be happy for me’. Then when it ended and he started showing attention to them, they accepted it. I got upset, E started to back off bc she said she couldn’t do that to me bc she knew how much I liked him. A said that same thing, only for me to find out her and R are talking every single day and messing with each other and she thinks he likes her. I haven’t had a real conversation with A about it yet, just the brief one where she asked if I’d be okay with it and I told her no. But we’re supposed to really talk about it today and I feel betrayed but am I even allowed to feel that way when me and him were never together and my feelings got involved and hurt on my own? Cuz clearly what it meant to me it did not mean to him.

So, am I the asshole????