(TW: Suicide) I am a 17(M) and my mother has had depression for the past 5 years. It started just before quarantine, 2 years after we moved to Spain. To put it shortly, she had been verbally abused by her new boss here in Spain. It went on for 2 years. She managed to get her case heard, but the abuser had some connections with higher-ups (instead of being fired, he just got put in a less prominent position). They transferred her to another city roughly 1 year before quarantine and had been harassing her to sign some form of contract that put her in a disadvantageous position (I’m not quite sure what the contract was since I was too young to understand it).

Anyhow, all of this caused her to develop PTSD and severe depression (she tried to end her life 3 times), and since this was the start of quarantine, the only people she had to take out her frustration on were 12-year-old me and my father. I won’t go into full details, but it’s been hell. She got mad at every single thing she could find a reason to. I forgot to close a window, even though it’s summer and it’s suffocatingly hot? Grounded and insulted. I forgot to put a napkin when setting the table? Get told I am useless. This was when I was 12, and it just continued until now.

As the years passed, my fuse just got shorter and shorter, and now I am not able to be around her without feeling the need to scream at her at the top of my lungs. I just cannot stand her. As for how my father plays a role in this, he is an enabler. He just lets her do whatever she wants.

So it all came to a boiling point today. I have left my hair long because I can't agree with my mother on how I should cut my hair (yes, I can’t even choose my own haircut), and now she is insistent that I let her cut my hair “a little bit.” But I don’t trust her since she’s pulled that card before and gave me a haircut I hated. So I said no. Instead of leaving me be, she kept insisting, and I kept saying no, until she got angry and started insulting me and making threats about taking my stuff away.

So, I just blew up (not the first time it’s happened) and started shouting how I am tired of her controlling each and every single aspect of my life, and how sad it is that she is angry over such a petty reason. (I do admit I used so many swears that I would make a sailor blush.) Now my father was scolding me because “She is sick” and “Why do you have to be so stubborn? You could have said yes and nothing would have happened.” And when I tried to reason with him, he just said, “You want her to kill herself, don’t you?” This is pretty much the same thing he says to me every time my mother and I have a big argument.

I know this may not be the most cohesive of posts,, since explaining the whole context could be a whole series of posts. But I just can’t help but feel that maybe I’m wrong and that I am being a horrible person and a bad son. She has gone through a lot, and I am by no means a saint in this situation, and I feel that sometimes I am just being overly aggressive towards her each time she tells me to do something that I don’t want to do.

But on the other hand, I don’t think that she can just treat me like this because she has depression, and that it’s no excuse for her to do and say whatever she has for having depression.

So, AITA for getting angry at my mother with severe depression?