Hi, this is a bit long but I could really use some outside perspectives because my mind is spiralling over this.

So, I went to a party the other night, and I only really knew the guy who invited me (let's call him Friend A). I told him before the party that I’d probably be sticking close to him since I don’t usually go to parties and I get anxious in big groups.

At first, everything was going fine — I grabbed a drink, started talking to a few people, and was actually enjoying myself. But as the night went on and I got drunker, I ended up getting a bit too physically affectionate. I kept holding Friend A’s hand while we were walking around (we left the party for a wander with some of his friends). It wasn’t intentional flirting — just drunken comfort because he’s the only one I really knew there.

Then, he made a comment about liking that I was holding his hand, and I panicked a bit, so I let go and kind of drifted off. I ended up holding another guy’s hand (let's call him Friend B) while we were walking back. Again, no romantic intention, just drunken behaviour.

When we got back to the party, we found out that Friend A had stormed off in a mood. I immediately felt awful. I was saying to Friend B and a girl there that I hoped it wasn’t because of me — because I don’t have feelings for Friend A and didn’t mean to lead him on. Friend B went to check on him, came back, and reassured me that it wasn’t because of me.

But later, Friend A came back and asked to talk privately. He told me he liked me and just needed to hear me say I didn’t feel the same way. I was honest and said I didn’t, and he left again. I ended up crying to some girls at the party (I’d only met them briefly before, bless them, they were really sweet and comforted me for ages). I just felt like I’d ruined everything.

I kept spiralling, thinking I’ve ruined one of my only close friendships, and that maybe I should just isolate myself because situations like this always seem to happen when I drink.

The next day, Friend A messaged me a really apologetic text, basically saying he’s sorry for how it went down, he understands I didn’t mean anything by it, and that the best way to move forward is to just forget about it and stay friends. I replied and apologised again, saying I valued our friendship and I really want to move past it too. He then responded: "Yeah good opportunity to be adults and just ignore it, enjoy the next couple of weeks!"

Now, I’m feeling so confused. Part of me is relieved, but part of me feels like it’s still going to be super awkward between us. I feel like I messed everything up by being too physically affectionate while drunk, and I hate that this isn’t the first time something like this has happened. I keep thinking: maybe I am the common denominator and I just need to stop drinking in social situations altogether to avoid stuff like this.

Anyway, if anyone has any advice or outside opinions, I’d really appreciate it. Is this friendship salvageable? Is it going to be awkward forever now? And is it better to just distance myself in general so I don’t keep causing problems?