AITA for ghosting my best friend of 17 years?

I (32M, Asian) decided to cut ties with my long-time best friend (31F, white) by ghosting her—and honestly, I don’t know if I’m being an asshole or finally protecting my peace.

We met in high school, stuck together through college, and even post-grad. For years, we were inseparable. We had an unspoken pact: no matter who we dated or what life threw at us, we wouldn’t let our future partners get in the way of our friendship. I believed in that. I lived by that. But lately, it’s felt like I’m the only one still holding on.

Over the years, our communication started fading. Understandable—we’re adults now, life gets hectic. But I still made the effort. I’d check in weekly just to say hi, make plans, ask how she was. She never reciprocated. If we hung out, it was because I planned it. If holidays were spent together, it was because I invited her. I started feeling like a personal assistant, not a friend.

So I tested it. I stopped texting her to see if she’d notice. Three weeks went by—nothing. No check-in, no “hey, how are you?” Just silence. I finally gave in and messaged her again, hoping to spark the connection.

But that wasn’t even the worst of it.

This past New Year’s Eve, she made plans in the city. I had no idea. I only found out because I texted her “Happy New Year, be safe.” Then she asked me what I was doing. I told her I was at a friend’s party. Suddenly she wanted to come—because her plans were “boring.” So I asked the host, and they were cool with it. She and her group showed up right before midnight.

It hit me—I wasn’t part of her original plan. I was Plan B.

Then at 1:30am, she asked me for a ride home. I didn’t want to say yes, especially while feeling used and emotional, but I didn’t want to start my year in a fight either. So I drove her home.

More recently, I texted her letting her know I was struggling mentally and just needed someone to talk to. She left me on read. I’ve always been there for her when she cried over boys, family drama, job stress—you name it. But when it’s me? Nothing.

It’s been a month now. Total silence. She finally sent me a one-liner after three weeks: “Hey! What’s up haven’t heard from you in a bit”—like nothing happened.

Here’s another layer that always stuck with me. I’m her only friend of color. She’s always said she “wants a more diverse group of friends,” which always rubbed me the wrong way. Like I was some kind of box to check off. We grew up in a super diverse city—this shouldn’t be hard for her.

I haven’t responded. I don’t know if I will. I feel used, emotionally drained, and honestly, kind of disposable. But I also feel guilty for ghosting someone I’ve known for almost two decades.

So… AITA for ghosting her instead of confronting her about all of this? Or am I finally just doing what’s best for me?