So to start, this ex-friend (H) and I had known of each other for about 4 years. Halfway in 'H' had confessed to having a crush on me. And said that "If the thought of being in a relationship with people didn't make H wanna throw up- We would be dating".. Now, I was like "Okay, thanks friend". But H requested me to read this so called 'confession again'. I didn't know what to do with it -except overthink. Especially, after H started referring to me as a 'Wife'. I told H to stop or else I would start to expect to be a wife. Unfortunately, that was when I started catching some romantic feelings.

After this 'confession', I got high, for the first time. I had a alone moment with H where I was touched/caressed at my upper/inner thigh (no insertion). But it felt, very intimate? Since it was a private moment I am embarrassed to tell people about this. I can't fully recall what happened, so I have been struggling to get over that unknown and never being able to ask H about what happened..

Months after, I left the uni but H and I still talked (as friends). One day, H told me about some 'dates' H had been on. I was confused because H talked about how much H hate men, and how they don't like physical touch (unless H initiated) during our friendship. But literally everything H was uncomfortable with had happened on a 1st/2nd date... like touching that H mentioned being anxious about, kiss, holding hands, and hugging.

I got an attitude when the date was described because it sounded like a forced and anxious experience. H caught pretty quick and asked. I said, I still had some romantic feelings for H, but that experience of H's dates seemed a little quick for their observed pace. But glad H was putting them self 'out there' dating people. Then we got in an disagreement about what 'dating' meant.

I thought dating is the act of going on multiple dates to potentially become a boyfriend/girlfriend to eventual courting -for some.

H thought going on dates is not dating, it was when both people meet/hang out to get to know one another. People can go on multiple dates and not be dating. Once both are in the label of boyfriend/girlfriend, then they are dating. Whenever we disagree.. H runs away. So I got a "okay, gotta go. Bye", and other times hung up on.

I feel both definitions have truth, but come to mindset. This was when my attraction started dialing down.

I started talking to other guys and I was really excited to move on--- while still being friends with H. But when I told H how messaging someone to (hopefully/eventually) be dating, they got a bit of an attitude. I didn't address it though, but we did not hang out as long from my excitement to messaging this new guy..

H gained more weight, got depressed again, quit work, kept insisting H was also autistic from tiktok videos that resonated, and H mentioned being in a "villain era" a few months later. We talked about the option of therapy, but H said no. Then we talked about *gasp* sexuality. So H found out about the best truth of sexuality/romanticism. Cupio - now H's definition was something like wants sex/ likes the IDEA of a relationship. But does not want to date.

I must of seemed dismissive, because I was thinking that it could be better with how society does not want to date or get in a defined relationship. I did admit that I was tired of how hard it is to date as a issue on my end (cause the guy I was talking to at the time) and brought up how people can't commit now and that "I am tired".

H told me if I am tired, go to bed. Bye. So we stopped talking that night. So later, I had got a notification of H 'venting' about me.. IN A GROUP CHAT I WAS IN. Now H was projecting an issue that was A PERSONAL PROBLEM. But venting like that issue was me. I was more preoccupied with the guy I was talking to.. but confronted H on the issue. H said "Sorry if that hurt you in anyway. My mood is settled now, and the floor is open to talk. Let's just forget about the whole thing.". I wanted to meet in person and said "In person is king, but hope you're well". My issue with the message is that it did not feel like the first time vent.

Personally, I processes slow, needed some time to really think about what happened, not to be hurtful, and to see what the best way to move forward can be (and H knows that).

H has told many that H is autistic from tiktok, and more of a let's talk now and get this over with or else what I think is the reality (and I know that which is why I was really planning to respond in a week MAX).

I took 5 days.. too long. H sent me one last text saying, "Thanks for being a friend while it lasted. I'll do you the favor and not be your friend anymore". I believe in their reality, I ghosted.. but I called and then sent messages a day later. I was scared they 'offed themself'.. only to find out I was blocked on multiple things, lol. BIGG L TO ME. Don't worry yall, H was still alive cause 2 of our friends were there to 'help'. But I was -and still am- a bit sad to feel like I cannot go to them on this issue because they are friends with someone that has 'done me wrong'. And since H was going through more "issues" like "depression, dysmorphia, mania, villain era, and insisting to be Autistic from video pov stuff". I went to my family/friend from home town for comfort. Side note I am diagnosed autistic and keep that secret irl, because I don't want people to make excuses for some personality traits or mistakes I make. We are imperfect people and that is how it is, we adjust to the waves :).

I tried to tell one friend: (G) about the intimate moment H and I had being unclear (with me being high, and being touched), and mentioning that they are being similar to H formed as a 'alarm' to me. The trait wasn't a bad one -as I assumed wrong. But G glazed over my intimate/violate moment comment I made. G knows about both sides from the beginning and will not tell either side, but admits that H is more in the wrong? As- both parties have fault. Which yes, 3 sides to every story. But it concluded with this being our last discussion about H.

I have a firm belief to not talk badly about someone's friend. But now, I want to stay connected whilst distance from those that are friends with H. So I am trying to feel okay with friend G -and even the other friend- for still associating with such a person. Any advice? I will delete this post in 5 days-IRONIC AHHH (Cause digital footprint).

AITAH for 'ghosting' this ex-friend? Who is The.A.Hole in this? H, G or Me? What would you do as friend G??