Back story: my ex (25f) and I (27f) were together on and off for 6 years. We officially ended things when she left me for someone else in 2020. Since then, I had gotten into another relationship that lasted about 4 years and was very physically and verbally abusive, I probably needed therapy lol. The entire 4 years, my ex would not leave me alone, despite her also being in a relationship. Daily no caller ID calls, texts, DMs on social media. I remained no contact the entire time. Fast forward, my ex and I are both now single. 4 months ago she reached out to see me and I said yes. Since then, inseparable. We were healthier than ever, I thought we had grown so much. Not a single red flag. We went away on a little camping trip, she cried over how much she loves me and wanted me back for so long. 2 days later, she broke up with me saying we don’t align and won’t work out. Refused to speak to me, shut me out and blocked me. I was so hurt, but ultimately shocked and so confused. I drove an hour to her house to deliver flowers and a note, favorite snacks. Still wouldn’t speak to me. This was the second time this individual has broken me suddenly and without much explanation. I was angry and just done. Though I wanted nothing more than to get back together, I let myself cry for a few weeks, and realized she really didn’t want me. She didn’t even miss me. She told me to leave her alone. So I did that. I started using tinder, was really uninterested so I deleted it. Then, I reached out to a guy I used to hook up with. I was bored, single and honestly just sad. We hung out, he wanted to have sex and I didn’t. I was disgusted by the thought of even sleeping with someone other than my ex. I did end up giving him a blow job, and I feel disgusting. I didn’t want him touching me, but I wish I never even did that. Fast forward 3 weeks later now, I haven’t had any contact with that guy. However, my ex reached out asking to get dinner. I never expected her to do this, she was firm on saying “leave me alone, move on idc if you date someone else” for 4 weeks. I’m feeling extreme guilt for what I did, and I feel like a horrible person. Do I owe it to her to tell her what I did? Should I even feel horrible??? Ugh help.