I’ve been surfing Reddit for a while seeing it all on yt and I done finally made an account, I need some words? Idk but I’ve been thinking a lot about this situation lately.

So I(M30) have two kids with my husband (M32), we adopted around three years ago, love our babies, and we recently made the move to Europe, since I know I have family on here I’ll just leave it to we moved to Europe.

This brought a lot of problems with my family first off, mainly my mother not wanting me to move, my husband’s family were a bit more supportive and even when they disagreed it wasn’t anything that brought on any problems pertaining to their relationship with me/my husband or our kids. My mother and I should be noted that we don’t have the best relationship, when I came out(which can be a whole other post tbh) it was an entire argument, breach of trust, etc.(which the irony is that she herself is a masculine gay woman) and since then I’ve loved her from a distance.

She had always been hard on her kids and had falling outs and arguments with all of them, my sisters, me, my little sister, my little brother, and the list goes on. So when she said she felt like me leaving was a bad idea and how she didn’t trust it I didn’t care. As well as we also limited her reach to our kids, one thing about me is that I try to desperately not be my mother because I want my kids to like me, love me as a dad but also like me as a person, especially because I want my boys to be good people.

The plane ride was nice, we integrate into Europe nicely and at this point has been here for maybe 3 months give or take. One night I’m in bed with my husband after I put the kids to sleep and I get a call from my mom, I’m calm and in a good mood so o answered. She immediately was yelling at me because apparently my siblings missed me and told me that I was hurting them by being away, not anything I haven’t heard before. I’ve heard it all from “you’re breaking up the family” to “you white washed bitch” and all sorts of whores and bitches and names you would say to somebody you fr fr hate. What broke my patience though was when she said that my sons would grow up to be disrespectful ass kids.

So I just told her that we were done, I said that ever since I was 13 you have had it out for me, called her a bad mom, said she was a narcissist, a piece of absolute shit and that she and her wack ass family can kiss my ass. Nobody came to see my babies, nobody came to see them when they were in the hospital (dw it wasn’t major but still no one even called), and that no one supported me or my family. I screamed at her, told her to die, told her that she is what fucked me and all her other adult kids up and the only kids that talk to he are exactly like her and only cause they legally have to stay with her until they’re grown.

And other things that I myself didn’t even know I would say to someone let alone my mother. Hung up the phone and blocked everyone’s number and cried like a baby. Sometimes I feel like an asshole for going no contact with my siblings but at the end of the day they never cared to stick up for me, to give me a call, or ask how their nephews are doing and I’m sick of it.

I know I’m not the AH but maybe I just need some reassurance. If you’ve been there as a parent and child please know sometimes your parents can be your biggest haters and I hope to god whatever is up in the sky that my kids love me and that I always make them feel like not just loved but also people deserving of respect cause I clearly didn’t get that. I really don’t want to be my mother’s son, I want my kids to want to come to me.

If you’re wondering about the white washed part btw, yes I’m black. And if you’re wondering about therapy yes I’m also in there, it’s helped a bit actually.🫶🏿

I guess my question in this is was it an AH move to also go no contact with my siblings? That has been weighing on me ever since I went NC. Some of them still live with my mom and I feel like maybe Im punishing everyone for a select issue.

Also I’ve never let my kids around my mom so don’t worry! And if they were I was always there!