I (26F) have been in a committed relationship with my boyfriend (26M) for three years. Before we started dating, I was in a toxic and manipulative relationship that lasted two years. It damaged my self-esteem and left me emotionally exhausted.

When I met my current boyfriend, I felt he could offer me the stability and kindness I never had before. But at the very beginning of our relationship, things didn’t feel right. I wasn’t emotionally or physically fulfilled, and we were unsure about continuing. I even moved back to my own place to take some space — we hadn’t officially broken up, but it felt like things were falling apart.

During that time, my ex contacted me. In a moment of weakness, we had a phone conversation that turned sexual — I didn’t meet him in person, but I had an orgasm while talking to him. I immediately felt ashamed. After that, I cut all contact with him, returned to my boyfriend, and we decided to truly work on our relationship.

Since then, I’ve been fully committed and deeply in love. We’ve grown together and made real plans for the future. But recently, out of nowhere, the memory of that phone call came back and has been haunting me. I feel immense guilt and anxiety. I’m panicking constantly, even though I know I’ve been loyal and loving for three years.

Would I be the asshole if I kept this to myself and focused on being a good partner now? Or does he deserve to know, even if it could hurt him and destroy what we’ve built?