Now ik what your thinking, with a title like that, maybe your overreacting or maybe ur being petty. But this is my story, I 21 m am currently having a child with a 20 F. We met about two years back on J1 work and travel program. At that time I was a second year college student pursuing a bachelor’s in secondary education double majoring in math in Jamaica . I decided to give the j1 program a try after a recent heartbreak from my high school to college sweetheart. I signed up and had gotten a job , hoping for a fresh start. It was there that I later met the mother of my child Sarah. Sarah stood out to me, not because of how Damm beautiful and breathtaking she was, but because there was something about her that captivated me. So, I did my research and asked around and discovered she was single. Then came the most nerve wrecking moment which was me asking her out, to which she said no. It took about 3 attempts of asking her I asked her out before she finally agreed and we then hit it off and we had great moments and also not so great moments. Issue was both her friends and family weren’t my biggest fan, as they believed I was only with her for a green card.

 Anyways I later asked her to be my gf and my time came to return to my country and for her to go to college.

We video called on WhatsApp and did pretty well long distance. I visited her school and next summer I returned to her hometown once more for work. She also returned home and we went on various dates and was a bit more involved in family outings trying to get in good standing etc. we discussed marriage and if she was comfy with it and surprisingly she wanted to do it there and then but I told her I’d like for us to finish school first. Anyways time came and once again I returned to my country and she went back to school. Which brings us to a few months ago. This is where my life became hell on earth.

After returning to school, we discussed her coming to Jamaica to celebrate her birthday. To which we were both excited, she ran it by her parents and they approved it. And so we got her the ticket and I picked her up in Kingston. Things were going well, we messed around, got her hair done, went to various attractions like beaches, falls etc. all of which she was excited to go to and we had fun with my family. They were pretty chill, ofc she couldn’t understand our dialect sometimes but outside that it was fun. Her trip lasted a few days and eventually I had to drop her off at the airport which was very sad. A few days later I got a call saying she did a test and guess whaaaat…. She was pregnant. Mighty God did my head hurt, my life flashed before my eyes, I asked her if she was sure and well she did a few more tests and guess what …. She was definitely pregnant. Having discovered that well my pull out game failed, reality finally struck. We discussed options and well she decided she was gonna keep it and well I was like ok. I started to research ways to get citizenship so that I can be there, high paying jobs, houses, cost for schools everything. She started talking about how we gonna be a family and raise a kid together etc. I proposed marriage, to which her response was no, she claimed that she and her parents believed marriage would only be for the kid and nth more, and that I was using this opportunity to get a green card etc. things got even worse when I was suggesting the kid can visit in winter or so to which she remarked that she would have to confirm with her parents or it’s not safe for a child under 2 to travel etc. Things progressed even more and it felt more like whatever I said or suggested had to be vetted by her and others around her before she would consider it. I voiced my concerns to which she remarked I was overreacting. To be fair she brings up things regarding the child and often asks for my opinion, but I feel as though whatever I say has to be vetted once again. A thing that caused an argument was the matter of the child being circumcised, I don’t believe in it but Sarah does. In the end I feel as though I was immature on how I responded to it and it caused an argument to which I later apologized. In the end tho after doing health research she eventually decided to not do it.

Things were going well until, after talking I discovered that she preferred if the child not have my last name but instead hers. I was against this because to me that’s the greatest honor in having a child of ur own, to which she remarked I should be happy by the fact I get a child. Her reasoning was that she’d be the one with the kid in the states and it would make it easier to pick up the child and that she’d have the child so it’s only fair. I told her that’s nonsense cause my name doesn’t affect her picking up the child. To which she said she’d be the one carrying and birthing the child etc.

Now at this point I’d believe the situation could not get any worse but welll it does. I after that argument which lasted weeks things calmed down and was okay until recently where I was looking at flights and stuff to come for her birth and stuff. That was the plan until she proposed my name not be on the Birth certificate because it makes it easier for the child to get a passport and travel to see me. She said she’d researched it and it would be easier if my name wasn’t on the birth certificate because I’d have to travel there to sign up forms for passport and it takes a while and that’s a lot of expenses. I told her that I’m willing to pay it and I’d prefer my name be on the birth certificate to which she was displeased.

We got into another argument and she sent me a message stating it’s not her out to get me it’s what’s best for the child etc. I didn’t respond instead I did research and made a PowerPoint presentation disproving what she said with credible references etc. she in response made a word document, stating it’s not personal and that with everything trump is doing it would make citizenship easier for the child, bear in mind she is an American citizen born and raised. She also mentioned about her insurance, that it would be cheaper if my name wasn’t on it. I responded with more research disproving what she had said but then she said it would make things easier in case emergencies happen and she needs consent from the father. I told her I’d sign a consent form that she can have in her phone but then she said she’s not sure she wants to do that as it’s extra work for her. And I can just add my name later in life when I figure out my citizenship status. I told her there’s no need for that n not having my name there is taking a way a right as a father. She then said the job of a father is to be there and I won’t be there consistently and she’ll have to raise him and it’s what best for him and her. I’ve been looking into getting my stay there as a teacher but I lack teaching experience as I’m a recent graduate as of next month.

Are there any parents here, fathers that can offer advice. What should I do? Anyone experienced anything like this? I don’t want any bashful comments about her just need solid advice anybody?