I (31F) have been with my fiancé (34M) for 6 years now. We have had two beautiful kids in this time. I came with two kids as well. Ive come to realize that his drinking is causing me mental health issues. I’ve tried therapy over the years, now I’m looking into medication. I would have never considered medication before being in this relationship. I feel alot of parental guilt for choosing to be with this man in the first place. I was really young when I met him (21) and I was newly divorced and just “fell in love” with his charm. He was far enough away for long enough (went on for 5 years before we started dating) that I didn’t see all of the blaring red sirens. I only saw him occasionally because I had two kids and I was in nursing school and just plain busy improving my life. I did improve my life very much. I graduated, bought a house by myself at 25, and I was really proud of myself. Then here comes this man I have “always loved.” I was so infatuated with him.

Some things to note about our time together: He had a job when we first got together up until I was 8 months pregnant and then he quit. He allowed me to support the family while he door dashed and stayed home w kids for years. I didn’t have an issue with his title as a DoorDasher, my issue was with his lack of urgency to support the family. Made me feel very uncared for. He knew we were living in poverty and stressed tf out and he just did nothing about it. I almost lost everything multiple times. Thank god I had a way to make money, even though it was not an ideal time with me being postpartum. I feel totally confused and gaslit about his drinking. He tries to convince me I’m crazy for telling him I refuse to live with a man who drinks like he does. He tells me all men drink like this. I don’t believe this…but he does. I hate the smell, I hate the way he looks when he drinks, he is annoying and he is sloppy. He stumbles. He disappears outside or just around and is embarrassing if anyone else is around. I mean, am I just “no fun” for feeling this way about alcohol? Is this what other people do? I’ve been told this for a while now so it’s a genuine question. My gut tells me no, it’s wrong and I hate it for a reason. My gut tells me I will remain depressed as long as I stay in this living situation. He also tells me that he will never stop drinking because “I will not change him.” To give some context about the frequency of his drinking, it is not every day. It is anywhere from 1-4 times a week. But every time it is to become wasted. And I never know when this will be. Should I break my family up over this?