This happened almost 8 months back. I (20 F) and my ex (20 M) had been in a relationship for a little over 1 year. Let's call him Sean. For context, he was my best friend at school and one of the few people that I was comfortable with. Back then, I was in another relationship with a guy (Let's name him Paul). To keep it short, Paul was a narcissist and our relationship was extremely toxic. But I was young and blindly in love so I stayed. However, when we inevitably broke up, Sean was there for me. Turns out, he had been in love with me throughout my relationship with Paul and hated the way Paul treated me. But I was in love with Paul so he never said anything directly. Fast forward, Sean opened my eyes about how horrible that relationship was for me (I was abused and cheated on multiple times) and finally I decided to breakup. It was hard but I went through with it. A week later, Sean comes up to me and confesses about his feelings and how he'll treat me the way I deserve to be treated. Now, mind you, I was at a very vulnerable position during that time as I was absolutely in love with Paul and even though the relationship didn't work out, I wasn't over him. Paul, even after being told all of this, kept approaching me. At one point (probably a month later), he asked me out, saying that if I rejected him, he'll have no choice but to go no contact with me as he couldn't bear to look at me knowing that I'll never be with him. I said yes. It was the worst mistake of my life. We started dating a couple of months later.

I was still in love with Paul, and Sean knew and respected that. For the first one month of the relationship, everything was fairytale perfect. Sean treated me well and was everything a girl could have asked for.

I took a break that year to prepare for my entrance exams. For context, me and Sean were going to give the same entrance exam, just a year apart. He was devastated when he found that he didn't get into his dream college. Or anything even close to it. It was hard but we got through it. I started studying and thankfully, got amazing mentors who saw potential in me and trained me well. Meanwhile, things with Sean began going downhill. In short, I redirected all my energy into improving myself and during that process, I truly moved on from Paul. My relationship with Sean worsened with time though. He was very understanding and a perfect gentleman but... I just didn't have feelings for him. I thought that maybe it's because of our distance, but that wasn't the case. I still looked at him as a best friend and he looked at me as the love of his life.

Guilt wrecked me. Four months into our relationship, I went and talked to him about this. I told him I am not having romantic feelings towards him and I don't think this is working out. He was heartbroken. But he wanted to try once more. He felt that because I was so busy studying all the time, I wasn't able to spend time with him and that's why I was feeling all of that. He convinced me to stay. I tried. I really did. I went to his birthday, called him whenever I could, texted him everyday, but the feelings just weren't there. It started feeling more of a chore with each passing day. I cared for him. But I didn't love him.

From outside, he was the most perfect guy. He brought me flowers and chocolates on every date, dressed up for me, was understanding when I couldn't give him time and was the prince charming that girl's dream of. However, with time, I started noticing things. He wasn't kind to others, he undermined my abilities, made me feel that everything that I had in life was purely because of my luck, that I didn't deserve any of it, that it wasn't fair he had to struggle to get the same network, same resources that I didn't have to.

Long story short, I broke up with him. He hates me. Our common friends were torn on which side to take. It was a mess. A lot of shit happened even after our breakup, but I hadn't felt this relieved in a long time. He thinks that I am the most self centered b*tch that he's ever met (he said this to a common friend on audio recording which my friend sent me) and that he hates me. AITA?