This is a long post

I(20M) have a school friend (19F). We started taking alot on Instagram after school ended and we became bestfriends... She's a very simple and trustworthy girl and you can say she's homely...

At that time, I was still very much into my ex and wasn't able to move on and as we boys don't really have people to talk to, she was the only friend I had which I talked to almost daily and for 2-3hours...

We both were droppers for competitive exams and it's safe to say she also needed someone to talk to... She literally used to tell me everything...Even if a dog barked at her she would tell me that also...she called me her human diary

After sometime I started hitting on her... And she used to decline but that didn't change our friendship at all... There was time when I said mean things about her to my friends and she found out, she still forgave me... And there were also times when she said mean things to me and I forgave that... It continued for last 2years...

I often bring up the topic of dating her at night cause that's when I used to feel the most lonely... However, she always changed the question or politely declined... One time she said to me that looks matter to her... That was enough for me to understand why am I not eligible to date her... I am not ugly just overweight... That too happened during covid...

So now the things is 1.5 month ago we were having a nice chit chat and all about our lives and I told her about some argument I had with one of my relatives... And idk why or how out of the blue she lashed out to me like anything...she vented out and said literally whatever came to her mind...like I am a failure and I've done ntg in life and everything you can imagine saying to someone who got no respect on your eyes... And a few days before this incident,she even straight away told me not to ask her out as she'll never go out with me...

Well, I understand rejection and I'm not stupid enough to break our precious bond over it... But those things that she said...those things still make me think... She knows me for 2 years and is this what she thinks about me... When I say I'm emotionally vulnerable and it makes people use me, she says that I'm giving an excuse(she knows how my ex manipulated me as we were together when she was my friend)... she have said mean things to me before but that day hit me hard... I realized she got no respect left for me and I instantly stopped interactions...

We didn't talk for a few days and after 10-12days I cleared an exams and posted about it in my stories... She replied and tried starting the convo... I played along but not the spark left that once used to be... But since we had a tradition of letting go off things, I let it go... We did slowed the pace of our talk but a few days after we were taking normally and she was showing me that her ex (she dumped him) got a new gf and she was crying about him moving on and she missing him... (She says her friends manipulated her into dumping him and then when she realised it was too late)... I told her that it was her doing and he have a right to make a new gf, and you should move on too... And she lashed out again... Saying you only see my fault (she only told me the whole story of her relationship and breakup as we were close)

Seeing her lash out again, I backed off.. I said okay I wont say anything now... And I've gone completely cold since... Aprox 10-15days have passed and she have tried getting attention and initiate conversation... I give simple one liner reply

Today I posted a story of a ghibli art of me and a girl in frame...and I can tell she's furious/jealous/curious...she liked my story in the evening and then at night she liked my post(i posted it a few days ago) and she replied to my story asking when did you make a gf, you didn't tell me

I know she's getting jealous but I also know she don't respect me... I also know that if I loose weight today she'll instantly say yes... Earlier I wanted to do it for her, but now I have lost that spark... Her desperation shows she have feeling for me but she won't date me because of her Orthodox family and ofcourse my average looks...

I never wanted to loose my friend and I would have loved to have her more than a friend in my life but now, after seeing what she thinks about me, I don't even have feeling for her... Don't even wanna be friends... Donno what to do