So this is a throwaway account because I don’t want anyone to figure out this is me but four months ago I had a baby. When I found out I was pregnant, I was living in a different state than what I do now. The state that I did live in is 17 hours away from here. I had been staying in that state for four years and developed a physical relationship with a friend that ended up not working out.

About a month after we stopped messing with each other, i found out that I was pregnant. I told my friend and he was excited and ready to be there, but things kind of took a turn and he became very controlling trying to tell me what I can and can’t do and monitor my everything. It became overbearing and I ended up moving back to my home state with the promise to return with our child after I gave birth. Me going back to my home state was more of me having a stronger support system because my mom and whole family is there and giving us space because at that point all we were doing were arguing and fighting. I moved home and got a job and when I was about 5 months pregnant I injured myself at work and now I have to have surgery. I also spent my entire pregnancy sick. I was hospitalized a lot.

Now before I found that I was pregnant I started talking to a guy and we had a lot in common and we really got along. After I found out I was pregnant, I let him know and he decided he still wanted to continue talking and casually dating like we were. Once I moved home things between him and I kinda just got stronger.

About a month after I gave birth to my son we decided to make it official. I originally didn’t tell my child’s father that I had got into a relationship, I just kept telling him that I did not want one with him. He claimed he understood but continued to push the issue that we needed to be a two parent household.

When our son was about two months old, he ended up finding out that I was in a relationship because I let it slip on a phone call. He let me know that he was disappointed that I felt like I couldn’t just tell him that I was in a relationship and also that he was disappointed that we could not be in a relationship (even though he was in a relationship himself) I told him that he can’t be mad because I’m an adult and I let him know that I did not wanna be with him and it’s none of his business if I’m in a relationship or not. He claimed that it is his business because he doesn’t want any man around his son and which I told him that my boyfriend had yet to meet our son because he hadn’t met him yet. He claims that because we’re so far away and he has to work that he just has not had time to come meet his son, but I just feel like he’s making excuses up because I don’t want to be with him. He told me that he is not OK with my boyfriend meeting my son at all. We did get into an argument because I let him know that when he can’t help me out and I can’t afford stuff for our son, my boyfriend helps out and if we continue to be in a relationship eventually our goal is to marry each other and we’re going to live together so he’s gonna be around my son and he said it’s not gonna happen. I told him the best I can do is try to hold off on meeting my son until at least his own father does but he can’t be the judge of him not being around him forever because that’s not fair especially with him being in a relationship itself and I hung up.

Later, he called me and said that I was right he cannot stop me from bringing someone I love and plan on spending the rest of my life with around our son, but he would not be OK with him meeting him first. I told him that I agree, but the fact that his son is getting older and he hasn’t even made the effort to come see him is crazy and that I’m not going to put it off forever because unlike his relationship we actually have love for each other and we’re moving forward. He said he was going to do what he can And try to come up and meet his son. That was two months ago and he still has yet to meet him.

The problem where I might be the asshole is this past weekend my boyfriend came to visit me ( my boyfriend and son’s father live in the same city, which is about 17 hours away from where I currently live.) while he was here he took me out on a date and then we went to the mall and he brought my son a build a bear. After the mall I asked him if he wanted to give my son the bear himself and he said he’d love you and I introduced them. My son doesn’t like anyone he cries whenever anybody but me is touching him and he smiled so hard at my boyfriend and seemed to genuinely like him. We spent the rest of the evening playing with my son and having a good night.

My son’s dad always calls at bedtime to say goodnight and during the call my boyfriend walked by and told me he was going to grab something out his car. My son’s father asked who was that and I told him and we got into an argument because he was mad he got to meet him first. I told him I wasn’t going to keep waiting because he wasn’t making an effort to even try and he told me it doesn’t matter if he waited seven years to meet him I still shouldn’t allow another man to meet him before he does. I told him I understood why he was upset, but if he doesn’t understand why I’m not going to continue to be on his time and he’s not making any effort to come meet him then I’m not going to continue to wait. The argument escalated we hung up. Am I the asshole?

EDIT TO CLARIFY: my son’s dad and I were never in a relationship. We were just friends with benefits. Also I have not moved back to that state because I have to have a surgery for the injury that I sustained at work and will be recovering for a roughly 6 months.
We stopped messing around because he broke the window out of my car and broke my phone after seeing a guy buy me a drink at the club. There is so much he has done to me that I’m leaving out for time purposes.