I had took in my nephew and niece 5 months ago because I was the only one in the family that was able to do so. I am a single woman with no kids and I work and go to school full time. Yes, since the beginning I knew it was going to be a challenge but I at least wanted to give it a try. Also, my sisters somewhat pressured me into doing it because they thought it was messed up for the kids to go into a foster home. Long story short, the support wasn’t really there and I basically had to be doing everything on my own. I tried asking for respite care but the SW said I couldn’t get any since I had support from my family. In the beginning I was very happy with the decision I had made because I knew the kids needed a loving stable home. Their previous placement which was a family member from the maternal family was allegedly mentally abusing them. A week to two weeks in I started noticing the trauma my nephew had through his behavior, and I also suspected he may have ADHD. He was having a hard time adjusting at his new school and I was constantly getting messages from his teacher or calls from his school. I personally went to the school and talked to the teacher and principal to let them know about the situation. I got him wraparound services and he was going to get assessed for ADHD through the school this May. By this time everyone suspected he may have ADHD. As much as I wanted to help him I also felt like my whole life had been taken away from me since they were now my priority. I know it was my decision to take them in but I was starting to feel resentment. My mom was the person who supported me the most throughout this whole situation and towards the end we were arguing about the kid’s behavior. She is already older and she didn’t understand that the kids behaved a certain way because they have trauma and needed help. I felt like I had to think for EVERYONE! Including the professionals. I literally felt like I was figuring out everything on my own since the beginning. This situation made me get a therapist because I honestly couldn’t do it on my own. Last week the kids got removed because 2 weeks prior I had told the SW that it was a lot for me and I may not be able to do it. We talked and she suggested to give it another try since the wraparound services had only been working with him for a month. & of course I said yes 🤦🏻‍♀️ Well, 3 days passed and my mom and I had an argument over the kid’s behavior and right there and then I decided that I wasn’t going to move forward with this. I don’t blame the kids for any of this but I just couldn’t see myself dealing with this situation for the next 10+ years of MY life. I have chosen not to have kids because it’s a huge responsibility and lifelong commitment which I’m not ready for. In that moment I realized that no matter how much I care and love my niece and nephew it wasn’t fair to them and to myself to keep them just out of guilt that I will disappoint my family. I had to put myself first. Yes, I know it’s a messed up situation for the kids but I think in the long run it was not going to be a healthy environment for them and for myself. I lost myself in this situation. I gave it my all and I still failed them in a way. Yes, I feel bad but I also feel a relief. I wasn’t expecting it to be this difficult and at the end I just couldn’t do it anymore. In all honesty, I couldn’t picture putting my life on hold to raise them. I only live once.