Hi I (18F) was having a conversation with my mum (45F) and dad (45F), and one thing that my mum really wants and has been saving up towards, is a brand new kitchen. She wants to get new units/drawers and make more space etc. Its been something she’s really keen on in the last few years but my dad (primary earner) has been against it because of the cost, which is very understandable. Especially in the current climate of things, and this economy.

My mum works, and has been putting savings towards this kitchen (which gets deposited straight to my dads account) since she started working again 4 years ago. However, because of the cost of a kitchen rising and rising, my dad has given my mum the ultimatum of ‘vacations or a new kitchen’ to which my mum ignored, since she kinda wants both. It’s important to note my mum doesn’t earn nearly as close to what my dad earns, but it’s still money in the bank, but she’d need my dads help in either situation (a holiday or a kitchen). Which fine, understandable. Marriage is a partnership and all that, I guess

As a joke today, my dad said to my mum that the kitchen has been out on the back burner and he’s not entertaining the idea anymore. It was kinda a joke, as he always says these things and is constantly flip flopping between renovating the kitchen and not doing so, so it was all in jest and lightheartedness. However, as a joke (and I really truly meant this as a joke, it was not in my intentions to be malicious towards my dad in any way), I said ‘mum was given the ultimatum of a kitchen or vacation, and she hasn’t been given either (since they haven’t been on holiday in a while). We should be in a yacht right now!’

I even threw in a laugh because again, it was a joke. This made my dad furious and he started flipping out, calling me an entitled little shit, and how we as a family, don’t appreciate anything he does

I found this statement rather baffling, as I have ALWAYS been aware of the life my parents provide me, I constantly express gratitude. I was put towards private school, given most things I want, and I’ve always always thanked my parents for it. I’ve even cried praying, thinking of all the sacrifices my parents have made for me. I was really upset at this comment because I genuinely meant it in jest. And now he’s arguing with my mum saying he gives us the world and receives nothing back, how we go on lavish holidays often, and we’re all entitled and spoilt. He’s even bringing up previous financial sacrifices he’s made. And I’m so confused. Yes, the joke was perhaps in poor taste but I NEVER questioned my dads ability to provide for us, and he’s acting like I’m spoilt expecting vacations 24/7.

In fact, it was me who said we shouldn’t go to a big holiday in Singapore/Malaysia and Thailand (my parents were talking about and considering this yesterday), because it seems ridiculously expensive to pay £1.5k per plane ticket, and I don’t want it to be a financial burden. I suggested something a lot closer such as France or Italy because it didn’t feel fair for my parents to pay £10k for a single holiday (I’m from England) . So I’m failing to see where I’m entitled??

I feel so awful though now, my parents have had a huge fight and are still arguing now because of my single statement. AITA?