I (25M) have been in a tight friend group since college—we’re scattered around now, but we stay connected mostly through gaming. We usually hop on Discord 3–4 nights a week, play Apex, Valorant, Overwatch, whatever we’re in the mood for. It's not competitive, just casual fun. Or at least, it used to be.

One of our friends, Tom (26M), has started to get... intense. Like, yelling at teammates for “not rotating fast enough” or spamming pings when someone picks the “wrong” character. And if he dies early in a round? Forget it. He’ll mute himself, rage breathe, or just straight up leave mid-match. It throws off the whole vibe.

It didn’t always used to be like this. He was fun and laid-back. But lately, it feels like we’re all just trying to avoid setting him off. We’ve hinted at it—stuff like, “Chill, dude, it’s just a game” or “Tom, don’t tilt”—but he’ll either say “I’m fine” in the most not fine voice, or go silent. Once he left the Discord call without saying anything, and later messaged, “GGs I guess.” That kind of thing.

Last week, after another night where three of us bailed early because it was just getting tense, someone floated the idea of making a separate chat. Just for when we want low-key, no-pressure gaming. We didn’t say anything cruel—just made a group without Tom. It’s not like we’re never talking to him again. We just... needed space.

He found out yesterday. Apparently he noticed we were all in a voice channel and asked one of the others about it. Now he’s sent a whole paragraph in the old chat saying we’re “middle schoolers” and “if I’m that annoying, just say it to my face.”

I didn’t respond yet. Part of me feels like he kind of needed to be left out to realize how his energy has been affecting us. But the other part feels like we ghosted someone who might be going through something deeper.

AITA for not confronting him directly and just making a new chat behind his back?