Hello, looking for advice from other points of view. I live with my family of four, husband and two boys at home, my parents in law, for about 8 years. Large place, own space, different but equal contribution. We pay all mortgage and bills, PIL administrate the household and look after grandchildren so we can have career progression and have the kids grow up with grandparents in there lives. (They have kicked in a lot of energy so if they ever downsized, we would assist with that because what they have done is added much value to our property)

Two years ago, my SIL moved in with her two kids due to a DV situation. This had to happen, it was not a good situation. So space to rest and repair with safety. No rent asked for initially, dealing with the DV, family court and such like, seemed most important at the time.

I am probably a judgey bitch asshole for this next bit. SIL started a new relationship fairly quickly and had a surprise baby. I personally don't think the father has seperated from his wife (has three children) the way he says he has as he still lives in that house, for the children. I also don't believe he contributes child support to SIL

So if I am honest, I am quite frustrated by both the morals of it and the lack of contribution from SIL. I think it's just terribly unfair to the wife and my family is, by not stopping it, tacitly agreeing that this is ok. And it's not but I have to tell myself, it's not my circus.

Now to lack of contribution. sIL has lived here with two now three children for nearly two years and has just started paying rent (NOV 24), negotiated down to far under market value. Ok fine, means tested if you will. Just to get to this point was a lot of hard conversations and frustration between my husband and I. I have spent the last year asking him to start collecting rent and finally we got there. As I say, not without significant problems between us. I'm not at the contempt stage but something has changed in me, the way I view him. At the same time, the new partner stays here, leaves his car here when he works away, and the guy doesn't even so much as say hello let alone kick in. I am sometimes blinded by rage at this.

So today I made demand direct to SIL, that guy needs to tell my husband before he stays, and if his car is staying here, he needs to kick in some contribution. I couched it in terms of the home insurance premium going up, which it is, but also as a deflection. We are all pretty non-confrontational which is I suppose how it got to this point. But also, come on, be reasonable. It's our house, this is minimum basic stuff surely.

I really don't want to cause friction because I am the odd one out, they are all related and I am the outside one. Our family and PIL were going along just fine for 6 years. We just have not worked out the right balance yet. But also, I can't walk around the house being resentful about it all. That hurts the relationship with my family.

But if I don't start (or continue) to make these demands then that's just leads to more arguments between me and my husband and that is doing damage to our relationship.

Please help. I've tried to get the point across to the family, it hasn't worked, I've made a decision to take it on now. Which I've done in writing over messenger. Not the best channel but like I said, non- confrontational (and probably emotionally repressed)

I need to get it closer to balance (or them moving out) without irrevocable breakdown, which probably means me screaming something I can't take back.