I’m going to start by saying I don’t think I am but apparently her little friend group does think so and is trying to convince her otherwise. Basically my girlfriend doesn’t have very many friends but she has a small group of 3 really close friends, 2 girls and 1 gay dude, and for the most part I liked them, I was old friends with one of the girls and they were always chill when I was around them.

One day though my dislike for the guy (not because he’s gay I swear). But basically I kinda just seen him for what he is, a terrible person and someone I don’t want my gf around. I didn’t really say anything though I just had a certain distaste for him because it never really affected me directly but I felt bad for the people he was doing these things to. For example one of the other girls in the group who I’ve been friends with for years now had gotten her first boyfriend and even though he wasn’t the greatest guy I was happy for her. But one day my gf tells me how her and the guy are beefing because he hangs out with her boyfriend when she’s not around. Atp I was just like wow cause I didn’t really know much about this boyfriend but turns out the boyfriend is cheating on her with the gay guy, linking with each other and doing stuff while she was working, which is crazy because him and this specific girl and supposed to be “best friends” and what kind of friend does that. I know the boyfriend is wrong too for doing that but if he was a real friend he wouldn’t have done that on his end. And aside from a lot of other little incidents this was a big one that made me genuinely hate the dude and I try to be chill but that’s just fucked up.

After that little saga I kinda just asked my girlfriend like “how could you be friends with someone like that when you know how they are” and she just told me “yeah it’s messed up but I don’t really care cause he’s never done anything like that to me” which in my head is pretty selfish because these 4 are supposed to be friends and kinda goes into some of my reasoning that I’ll get into. Now keep in mind the other girl in the group I like cause she’s real and the only one who sees my side in this situation. She actually even told the girl whose bf was cheating what was going on and told off the dude. But it was a 3v1 with my gf not caring and the other girl still being friends with him and not even being mad at him. And idk what kind of friendship they got going on but they are just enabling him to do these bad things and now I got dragged in and they mad at me.

Anyways, the part where I got dragged in. So basically I was at my gf house and we were chillin. She turned her phone to me to show me a video and at the top of the screen I see a text from the gay guy saying “you should cheat on him”, talking about me. My gf felt the notification and went to check it and swiped it up fast but I had already read it. I was appalled and kinda just sat there quiet for a second. She’s just looking at me “oh baby stop you know I would never” and allat. Honestly I’ve never been more at a loss of words and I just said “damn”. Then she goes look and types “guys stoppp I would never🙄” like that makes it ok. Then she starts crying like I did something wrong for being upset. And im just like “so you’re not gonna check him for saying that” and she’s like “I don’t wanna start an argument tho” so im just like damn and get my stuff and get ready to go home. She comes out with me and is crying and crying “what do you want from me” and we’re both 18 we’re grown so I allow her to make her own decision and I say “I don’t wanna tell you what to do or who to be friends with, but I got every right to be upset”. And she’s like “oh I hate him im so done being friends with him” yet the NEXT DAY at school I pull up to the parking lot and see her walking in with him and I wave at her and she just gives me a side eye and im just like ok damn (I know I keep going like damn but that’s quite literally what I said or how I felt just at a loss of what to do). Also, the night that it happened she looks at me and says “do I look like I’ve been crying” and I ask her “kinda but why does that matter” and she says “because my moms gonna ask me why and when I tell her what happens she’s gonna make me stop being friends with him, she’s already been trying to tell me to stop hanging out with him” and me who just saw that message was like “doesn’t seem like a bad idea tbh” but she’s so stuck on the fact that’s she’s been friends with him since middle school.

After that night, a lot of arguing and fighting went on. But she tried to act like everything was normal and kept being friends with him. And as much as it hurt me to see that, I tried to not care. One day though she brought up something about him and my face just kinda dropped as the pure thought of him filled me with rage. She’s like “no don’t be mad” but I just tell her it will never be the same after I saw that message. Her response was that he doesn’t have anyone to tell him not to do stuff like that and that he doesn’t know any better like he’s not fucking 18 just like the rest of us but you don’t see us doing stuff like that. She also asked me why I was mad at her when she didn’t do anything, which was crazy to me because it was her lack of doing anything that pissed me off; the fact that she was defending him saying “he didn’t know any better”; the fact that she never confronted him except for telling him to say sorry because I was upset (btw to which he replied with “I don’t see what I did wrong that’s pretty in character for me, he needs to stop being so sensitive”); the fact that she told me she was not going to be friends with him but then is walking around school with him and didn’t even acknowledge me; the fact that she wanted me to just forget like he didn’t tell her to cheat on me, regardless if she would or not; the fact that she would have 100% not have done anything period and would have never told me had I not seen the message; and the fact that she was invalidating my feelings of being angry and upset but crying because im mad at her for doing nothing, which is exactly the problem. The guy can’t be helped he doesn’t care and will just find other “friends” but that’s its own issue that he’s gonna find out the hard way one day.

It got to a point I couldn’t take it anymore she’s talking about prom plans with her friends cause none of mine go to our school and that’s what we did for homecoming before I started hating him and it was fine. But after that message I straight up told her “if he’s going im not going” and my gf starts crying saying it’s not fair and I tell her “it’s not fair I have to sit here and watch you be friends with a dude who told you to cheat on me”. This is then where I gave her the ultimatum either she could drop him or I would leave cause he was continuing to shit talk me for being upset and was turning other girls against my gf because her “sensitive boyfriend was upset over a joke”. Now she said she’s gonna drop him frfr but honestly after the first time and seeing how she defended him to me especially when it wasn’t even accusations and I actually saw the message and also how she tried to act like everything was normal I don’t believe her and as much as I don’t want to, if I see her with him again after she swore to me she would and I gave her my last bit of trust im going to leave her. She swears it’s not fair she has to choose between me and her friend but I think it is fair since she cares about what they got more than what we got. Through all this she is trying to assure me she would never cheat but it’s so hard for me to trust that after this especially when if I stay with her we’ll be long distance in a few months for college (her in Arkansas and me in New York) and I don’t want people like that in her life at all but especially not when we live 20h away from each other.

Also, not sure if this is the best idea, but next time I see her im going to go through her phone and if I see messages between her and the dude after she swore to me she wouldn’t be friends with him im going to confront her and leave her. I just can’t take it anymore to see how selfish she and how grimy that dude is and even though it’ll hurt me more than she could know I’ll get past it and I’ll be off to college to forget about it.

So AITA for making her choose between me and her friend and breaking up with her if she continues to be friends with him?