Hello, I (14m) have been bullied relentlessly by Kim (fake name) for years. As a quick disclaimer, I am not an American so my life may seem different and my English may not be good.

I was really good friends with Kim from 4 years old because we lived in the same apartment complex, meaning we went to the same schools and hangout spots.

He abandoned me as a friend in middle school and started hangjng around some older kids and rewlly bad people. Our parents were still friends at the time, so we were forced to play together frequently.

I guess he was made fun of or shunned for this, so that's when the bullying began. At first, he only messed with me when his friends were around to notice but then it spread to everywhere.

No one really cared, it wasn't like I was getting ganged on by all my classmates or getting spat on by them as they watched me getting bullied, but I was met with a painful apathy. I had friends and everyone treated me nicely and normally until the bullying began, and it seemed like no one ever knew me including the teachers.

Eventually, the bullying became physical to the point of extreme assault. He would gang up on me with his friends who were usually older and bigger and just beat on me. It's a wonder he never got into trouble, really.

The revenge happened after a week of particularly severe beatings, to the point I couldn't hide the bruises or scarring any longer. They always made sure to hurt me in places hid by my uniform or clothes but I guess they got cocky and decided to fuck it and give me two black eyes and bruises and cuts all over (including visible ones on my arms and collarbone etc) on my way back home after cram school (for standardized testing).

Obviously my mom found out, and tried to confront Kim and his friends. This is where the problem began for me. I don't know the full story, but Kim punched/swung/ slapped (I'm not sure all I know is that my mom was attacked hard enough to leave bruising) my mom and left. My mom raised me alone as my dad passed away during required military service, and she is the only family I have left. She has been getting weaker, and assault like this could have turned out so much worse.

My mom never told me what happened, but I knew from the look on her face and the timeline of when it happened. The next night, I left my house with a metal baseball bat. My mom was blocking the door and gave me this look but let me go.

I decided I wanted to kill him, not only for what he did to my mom, but also for pushing me to self harm and attempts on my own life. I went to the karaoke place he always hung out at with his friends at night while drinking and smoking and hid while waiting for him to come out alone.

Luckily for me, he came out to use the restroom and I snuck up behind him and just cracked him with a full swing into his ribs. He dropped like a rock and turned to see me holding the bat while cursing. I know I could have left it there, and this may be where I was the asshole, but I swung the bat at his knees and shattered them.

I liked seeing him beg like I did and just wailed on him, his own friends came out and left without noticing or trying to find him. After they left, I just got on him and started smashing my fists into his face. After I was through with him, he was bloodied with multiple broken bones and a complete mess.

I know this seems fake, but he tortured me for 5 or more years and pushed me to attempt suicide multiple times. He was complete scum, but something stopped my from stomping his head in and killing him.

I left him lying there and he was found by a worker like 10 minutes later. He was brought to the hospital and probably won't walk for a long time.

I was never arrested or brought in for questioning, and even after his recovery (he was able to speak and use a wheelchair) he didn't say anything. I don't know why, maybe pride or something. I'm not too worried as there weren't any witnesses or cameras and the laws here are extremely light on minors. I also have evidence of his extreme bullying that I was too scared to speak up about because of how authority has failed me.

While I wasn't accused at all, people at school knew it was me. My friends treated me normally as well as my peers, better even. But they all looked at me like a monster. I'm not trying to sound like an edgy teen, but I could see it in their eyes that they thought I was a liability and a threat to society. They treat me the same and the bullying is over, but these looks I get are driving me crazy.

I know this may sound fake due to the crazy scenario and my overly violent attack, but can I get some advice as if it is a real thing? This is my life and I'm thinking of just running away or ending it as I just can't take the looks I'm getting? Am I crazy or paranoid? Please help

TL/DR: I beat the shit out of my my bully and left him in a wheelchair, and now I feel as if I'm looked at like a monster. AITA?