I [39M] have a new coworker [40s F], "Crystal," whom I do not like at all, and I'm wondering if my response to her in one instance went too far.

Crystal has been at my workplace for a few months now. She's an American (she's either from Arkansas or Alabama, I forget which one) and has moved here ("here" being Ontario) because of her husband's job. She has rubbed me and some of my other coworkers the wrong way for the entire time she's worked here. There are some facets of her personality that I just do not like but aren't necessarily rude, but she also can be quite ignorant and come off as rather judgmental in general.

For example, during lunch one day the first month or so she was here I mentioned that my wife is pregnant with our third child and that our daughter (our second born) is 4. Crystal asked if she was in kindergarten already, and I said no, she's in daycare. Crystal then asked if our son (our oldest child) also was in daycare when he was little, and I said yes and that he was in daycare once our parental leave was up. Crystal then made a comment about how she became a stay-at-home mother once her children were born and that she couldn't bear to go back to work until they were in school. She also made the remark that she couldn't understand how anyone could part with their baby (as she put it) before they had to, which really rubbed me the wrong way.

On another (much less offensive) occasion, one of my coworkers was telling me about how she was going to try a barbecue restaurant near our kids' school. Crystal butted in and said that there was no way the barbecue there would be even halfway decent compared to the barbecue where she was from. It came across as quite dismissive, as she didn't really just say that she missed the barbecue back home or that she had tried that place and the food wasn't good, she just jumped in to say that there was no way it could serve good food (despite never having been there) by virtue of it not being in the states, even though we live in an extremely multicultural city and for all she knows the person making the barbecue could be from some place that makes authentic barbecue.

Moving on to the incident where I actually made the comment in the title, one of my coworkers invited everyone at our workplace to a housewarming party last weekend. I was there with my wife and Crystal was there with her husband as well. I will admit that I certainly had too much to drink at the party (with my wife's approval beforehand).

At one point, my wife and I were showing my coworkers and their spouses/partners photos of the my wife's last ultrasound while we were all seated in the host's living room. Crystal asked us how we met, and I told her that we actually met at a family reunion. My wife is my second cousin once removed and we met for the first time at a huge family reunion when we were both 18. We became friends right away and found out that we were going to go to the same university that fall and our friendship grew for 2 years until we started dating.

Now, I completely understand if someone personally finds that a little weird. It obviously doesn't feel weird to me or my wife as we didn't really feel like relatives at all when we met, but I completely get it if someone personally wouldn't be comfortable with that or thinks it's a little odd. I also want to state very clearly that we went to a genetic counselor before we started trying for children and they gave us the all clear that there would be no greater prevalence of adverse health effects than for any other couple.

I told all of this (including the genetic counselor bit, eventually) to Crystal and the rest of our colleagues, but Crystal made her disgust abundantly clear. She had also clearly had too much to drink, and she made it abundantly clear that she thought it was nasty that we were together at all. At first, my wife and I (and the party's host) both asked her politely to keep those feelings to herself, but she did not. Eventually, I snapped at her and told her to stop being such a judgmental jackass. She and her husband left the party shortly afterwards. I then apologized for the argument to everyone else at the party, and I apologized to the host again yesterday morning at work.

Today (Crystal wasn't at work yesterday), Crystal came up to me before we opened and asked me for an apology. She didn't apologize to me first, she just asked for one. I was quite offended that she didn't even think to apologize for her actions first, so I said I was not going to do so until she gave me a genuine one to start. She made a face, then didn't speak to me for the rest of the day.