Throwaway to not clog up my main.

When I was 22 I met H (28M) at work. We became fast friends and he invited me to meet his wife B (29f) to see if I would be comfortable leaving my dog with them while on vacation a few months later. His wife ran a doggy daycare and boarding out of their home. I became fast friends with B as well.

Over the next month I hung out with them and we all grew closer especially after they had me over for dinner when I got dumped by my then boyfriend. One night I was over H asked me if I'd be interested in dating them both and I said yes. I moved in with them and we were all very happy for a month exploring a relationship style none of us had ever had before. About a month in B got upset at H and said they had to take a break, going so far as refusing to share a bed with him and moving to the kids room when he got home from work. She even made jokes about how she would fight to keep me in the divorce and talk about divorcing seriously. I played middleman and did my best to help foster healthy communication. Eventually the issue resolved and we went back to how it was before. Around that time my job fired a lot of people and unfortunately I was one of those, so I was job hunting and doing more chores and odd jobs to help out and earn my keep. I was applying to any job I was able to and got hired at a job that would have me staying about an hour and a half away. We were also told that the landlord didn't want to renew their lease so B found a place we could live and she could expand her doggy daycare. After going to orientation and learning more about the job we discussed it and decided that it wouldn't be a good option and we all decided I would quit (they said they would try not to work us multiple 14+ hour days but couldn't promise anything). So I came back to help pack and move everything. We got permission to be on the property of our new place on the 1st and the owner would drop the keys off in the next day or so. B and I took the kids and the camping gear and went over while H was at work. We couldn't get the tent set up but found one of the doors unlocked so we moved everyone inside. B and I went and sat on the front steps with the door open after putting the kids to bed and shared a bottle of wine to celebrate. That's when she dropped the bombshell on me that she wanted a boyfriend since, "H and you are in your honeymoon phase and so good without me". I said I didn't want another boyfriend and we'd have to talk to H about it. B told me it would be just her boyfriend and she had already been talking to a guy. She asked me not to tell H, I said I wouldn't knowing that was a lie. Some of the texts she had sent were things like, "I miss you" and "I wish I could feel you". When H came home I told him and he knew the guy she was cheating on us with. She had a history of cheating and he had given her a second chance after she got pregnant with another man's child. I still cared about her and so I was dealing with my own emotions and thoughts but I did start pulling away a bit. 

Moving day came and we had my brother and B's friends come help us. H, my brother and I were the only ones moving the heavy furniture and bins and B's friends made comments about how it looked like I was the wife and she was the GF. After several hours of moving stuff with no breaks B asked us to move a heavy piece of furniture that was in the place we moved into and while moving it she asked if she could borrow her friend's kid (he was around 17) and we said sure. After moving it we all sat down for a breather. We had sat maybe 5 minutes when B called H asking where we were. He said we were taking a break at the new place and she called and yelled, "Are you fucking idiots? We still have so much to do. Get your asses to the old place so we can move the rest of this". We didn't realize they had left and just thought they were organizing bins downstairs. My brother had fallen earlier and his knee was still bleeding so I took him to the doctor and called our parents to come get him. After saying bye to my family I headed back to move the last little bit we had left. B and her friends sat down to play card games while H and I moved the rest of the stuff. There were a few boxes at the old place so we decided to go load them up and shower off before coming back for the night. B asked me to stay and play games with them and leave the rest to H and I said it would go quicker with both of us. She said fine and we left. When we got back B's friends had left and she was upset. She was upset because her friends said it looked like I was the wife and she was the girlfriend and she said I alienated myself from her friends by muttering under my breath when her friend used my pillow and blanket to lay down instead of helping. I didn't say anything to her friend about using my stuff and was upset I wasn't asked so yeah I muttered that it would've been nice to have been asked. Things started to feel more normal after moving day was done with the exception of B being upset that H and I couldn't help clean the old place. She wanted to go bleach happy and H and I are both asthmatics with a severe reaction to bleach. I offered to help if she didn't use bleach but she insisted so I focused on organizing and unpacking in our new place and H worked. It felt like things were calming down and H and I tried to convince B to wait to take on new daycare clients until we unpacked and let our dogs get used to the new space to reduce their stress but she insisted. I ended up really sick from overexertion during the move and when I felt better B asked if I could watch the dogs while she unpacked and spent time with the kids the next day. Due to a chronic health issue I try not to promise things when I've been having flare ups so I said I would try but we'd have to see how I feel tomorrow. Tomorrow arrived and I was having a bad flare up. Part of my health issues is vertigo and nausea and they were both really bad that day. I said I wasn't comfortable being the only one in charge of the dogs but I would try to help as much as possible. I took the dogs out potty and nearly lost my balance going down the stairs to the lawn. After potty time I went back into our room and sat down under a blanket and applied to some jobs and B came in yelling at me for sitting down. Because of her treatment towards me I had been having a depressive episode with suicidal ideation. She came in and yelled that I was supposed to be caring for the dogs so I replied that I would but I needed to sit down and she screamed that that wasn't good enough. I broke down and while crying yelled that every time I heard the train go by I wanted to go step in front of it because of how she's treating me. She replied, "Well what about me, you said you'd take care of the dogs". I went and curled up under a blanket crying and H told B to back off. H then came over and tried to calm me down. He asked if I wanted to go for a walk to get away from the house for a bit and I said yes. He told me to wait outside while he got his daughter ready cause she wanted to come too. While outside I just got so angry at B I weeded the garden beds sorting between weeds and overgrown mint. About 10 minutes later H came out with his daughter and we went on a walk. I talked about how I didn't think I could continue a relationship with B unless there were major changes and even then probably not. H listened and said he would support me in whatever I decided. We got back after about a 30 minute walk and since I wasn't ready to go inside I weeded the other garden bed. B came out and said I needed to work to pay my portion of rent and that today was supposed to go towards that. She wanted to pay me $100 for all day (7a-8p) and said I hadn't contributed anything to the new house. I had paid the deposit with the help of my family and my small savings. Any spare money I had earned had gone to fans she had to buy so the dogs she was watching didn't get heat stroke. At this point I had about $20 to my name. I wasn't ready to talk to her so I didn't really reply and she yelled even more. H had us move into the kitchen and tried to be a mediator. He said he would cover my portion of rent with help from his mom and I would pay a bit extra once I got a job. B started yelling that it wasn't fair that I didn't have to help so H used his "dad voice" to tell her to stop. He explained that I had been helping and she was being unreasonable since it doesn't matter where the money comes from as long as bills can be paid. I had shut down at this point due to the yelling (childhood trauma) and so H said for now we needed to give each other space while everyone calms down. I went and sat outside just feeling numb from everything. H checked on me every so often while doing other stuff.

Evening came and I was sitting on the front porch drinking a soda when B came out and sat next to me. She said that we needed to talk and I said yeah we do. She said that obviously we don't work as partners but she does care about me and wants to try being friends. I said that I'm fine with that and agreed that we don't work as partners. We agreed to rearrange the sleeping situation and she said that we would discuss rent all three of us later. H came out and B said that her and I would share him for now but she said he had a choice to make. He could stay with her, stay with me or be with neither of us. She then joked that her and I should run off as friends and "find someone better for each of us". We had a laugh and it seemed like things would work out with better boundaries put in place. We all went to bed, same room but different spots (we hadn't set up our bed yet cause of rearranging furniture) and I was hopeful. The next morning I went to do yard work for a friend for some cash and when I got back B said her and H were going on a date. She had arranged babysitting but her youngest was sick so she asked me if I could watch him while they were out. I agreed because I thought that would be the kind thing to do. Kiddo and I watched Cars and cuddled. When they got back she took over cuddles cause he asked for her and I went and sat next to H. H then rested his hand on my knee while we all chatted. B then flipped out and started yelling about how dare he do that in front of her and it hurt to see him be affectionate towards me. She then gave him an ultimatum of it's either her or me and she stormed off.  H and I then decided to talk and I said that I love him but want him to choose his happiness. If that was with me great, if it was with her then thanks for all the great memories and I would back off. I knew if he picked her that I would lose him as a friend as well since she wouldn't have let us stay as friends. I was crying at the thought of losing him and he hugged me and said I wouldn't lose him.

We all three sat down to talk and immediately she was like, "Well?" H said he didn't want to hurt her but he couldn't stay with her. He explained that their whole relationship had been harmful and it wasn't fair to either of them to continue it. He didn't want to stay in a relationship that he had very little love for and wanted to end things before it turned into resentment and hate. B was furious and glaring at us and yelled about how much she loves him and sacrificed for him and he just replied that her actions spoke otherwise and it should have been over between them long before they ever met me. The conversation ended and we agreed to let her have the bedroom and we would sleep downstairs that night. She also said I had a week to "get your shit and get out of here" so I said I would start packing tomorrow. I let my parents know I had to move back and would be coming by tomorrow to get my room ready. We went to bed and at some point that night she came downstairs, took a picture of us asleep and posted to Facebook about how much it hurt to see us sleeping in each other's arms (we were in a hammock so not really another option). I drove H to work the next morning and went to my parents house. I moved my dogs into my room and got some things sorted before having to go pick up H from work. When we got back we started trying to gather my stuff and set it aside. Some of my stuff was in bins with only my stuff but other stuff was spread around cause B wouldn't let me pack my stuff unmingled. While packing bins B freaked out at us and said I had to leave immediately and couldn't stay any longer and if I tried to she'd call the police. I texted my brother and him and my dad came and we gathered up all the bins we could and drove home. I cried the entire time because I still cared about B and realized she didn't care about me. She wouldn't let me come gather the rest of my stuff so I lost a fair amount unfortunately. She later messaged me and told me to, "Let him go. Clearly him and I are not supposed to be together right now. I don't deny mistreating him for far too long. I don't blame him for leaving me at all, as much as I wish he hadn't. But you need to let him grieve his marriage and focus on his children. Things for all of us, including his kids, will be a thousand times harder if you're in the picture. We had fun with you. It's over. There are other men, who don't have 4 children." A few weeks later H said I could come by and go through bins if I stayed in his room since B was out of state visiting her boyfriend(?) so I came by. He would bring in bins and I would sort through them but he eventually had to focus on the kids so I stepped out with his permission to move bins in and out of his room. B had found someone to work for her and rent a room and that person told her I was there so the roommate came down with B on speaker and B said I needed to leave cause I was trespassing and she'd have Roommate call the cops. I said I was here for my stuff and she called me names and continued threatening. I was willing to just let the cops come so I could explain it but H asked me to leave to avoid issues so I left.

A few weeks later H and I went to a friends house to dye our hair and watch a movie. We rode H's motorcycle with me as passenger. During the movie H fell asleep and so our friend got her air mattress and told us we weren't allowed to leave that night cause it wasn't safe. We went to bed for the night probably around 9 pm. Around 1 AM H got a phone call from B. She was at a bar and said she was too drunk to drive home and needed him to come get her. He said he couldn't cause he had taken the bike and couldn't drive since he was too tired. H told her to call her friend and that she wasn't his problem anymore since they were separated and she shouldn't have drank that much without arranging a ride. He hung up and went back to sleep. About 10 minutes later his phone rang again and it said it was from her. He answered and it was someone else, they said that B was throwing up and needed a ride home and his number was listed as her husband and so he has to come get her. He explained that they are separated and he can't come get her due to safety and told her who to call. The person tried to guilt trip him more and he said it wasn't his problem and she knows better than to drink that much. he texted the person a number for B's friend and said he wouldn't answer his phone anymore. B later said that that was the worst thing he could ever do to her and he abandoned her in her time of need. I will add that she didn't have him saved in her phone as anything that would indicate that he was her husband. I can't put exactly what it was due to personal details but there was no nickname or photo to make it seem like they were married. Also she always locks her phone so there was no way for a person to just stumble across his number.

A month later was my birthday and H and I planned a camping trip weekend and leading up to it B became friendly and I came over to spend time with H. B had been on a trip again and was running late so I watched the kids until she got back. She thanked me for my help and wished me a happy early birthday. The trip went well and was an amazing weekend with just H and I and our dogs. When we got back we stopped for pizza and garlic knots and gave her some as a thanks for letting me come by so we could shower off. She started telling us about finding hookups on Craigslist and tinder and how many guys she'd slept with. We explained we didn't want to hear about it and she brushed us off. H had to go downstairs to grab something and B turned to me and said that the only reason she gave him a choice was because she never imagined he wouldn't pick her and she wouldn't have given him a choice if she knew he would have left her. She also said she would never apologize for how she treated me because "You deserve it for taking him from me".

A lot happened after that but that's the main story, so AITA for not breaking up with my boyfriend and "ruining" my girlfriend's marriage?

Additional Info:

B has a total of 4 kids. 1 with a guy who has nothing to do with them except child support, 2 with H, and 1 was an affair baby when she cheated on H. She told me the bio father doesn't know about her youngest. Her oldest was from her lying about birth control (she told me that) and he dumped her when she told him she was pregnant. She was also cheating on him at that time so he didn't believe the baby was his. She also lied to H about birth control both times she got pregnant with his kids so he went and got a vasectomy which she got angry about. 

B told H after getting pregnant with his second kid that he had to marry her or she'd take the kids and he'd never see them again, so he married her and tried to make it work.

B asked to open the marriage shortly after they got married and when H said no she cheated. She wanted to go sleep with whoever and then come home to him and be able to sleep with him. He didn't like that idea and said he wasn't comfortable with it and wanted monogamy. He said that he was guilted into staying with her and she suggested a compromise of going to "clubs" and having a third join them. When she met me she asked H if I was a potential girlfriend for them and suggested asking if I was interested.

Edit TL;DR since I forgot:

Met a cute guy, he introduced me to his wife. Dated both of them and wife cheated and treated us like garbage. Wife and I broke up, she gave an ultimatum to the husband. The husband broke up with her and she blamed me.