I(24F) have been told by my mom that since my brother(19M) and I have become adults, it is our responsibility to celebrate their wedding anniversary and I don't want to.
To start off, my family never celebrated anything. No birthday gift, cake, Christmas gift, Easter egg hunt, nothing. We got our birthday soup (we're Asians and we have a certain soup for birthdays) and the song. My brother JUST memorized my birthday this year. Still doesn't know my parents. My mom hates presents, complained to me how stressful it is to receive and give one, thus 'no giving & no receiving' was the best for her-and everyone. I tried giving her a present & a handwritten letter when I was young, both she hated. So I never tried celebrating Mothers Day from that day on. I've been cooking the birthday meals for my parents since high school, mainly because they nagged me how disrespectful I was for not doing so.

Now she wants us (me, really) to celebrate their wedding anniversary for them. She expects the cake, special meal, presents, and money. Basically a small family party. She asked me to celebrate Mothers Day & Fathers Day, which I think I can do, as they are my parents. I guess it's my responsibility as I'm the 'child'. But their wedding anniversary that even they don't celebrate? I don't know. I feel like that's more of their responsibility than mine and don't want to. Besides, I don't how to celebrate things. Especially for her picky taste. I know she won't be satisfied easily. And I don't like these changes. My brother doesn't even know when their marriage anniversary is and I only know it because I asked out of curiosity. My mom is upset by the fact that I'm not willing to celebrate the day.

On her side, she thinks it is a basic responsibility for the kids to celebrate the day. It's an important day for them and the family. She said that they never really celebrated the day because we were young, so they didn't ask us for anything (ex. to remember the date or celebrate) but as we've become adults and have the ability to do so, we should do our best to celebrate the day for them. That includes their birthdays and special days (Mother & Father's Day, New Year's Day, Christmas).

To this day, I feel anxious and worried when I get presents than being happy. Once it got to the point where I'm so stressed out that I didn't want any special days to exist. It doesn't make sense to me that she wants to celebrate these things only because we've grown up and can 'give' things to them.

I'm trying to put my personal feelings aside (childhood traumas given by my mom). But even without my personal feelings & thoughts aside, I still think that this day is more of a couple's day and their responsibility, rather than mine to celebrate. Mother's & Father's Day, yeah, I can do that. But wedding anniversary? No.

Would I be AH for not celebrating their wedding anniversary? Am I being disrespectful for not doing so?

Edit: spelling