I (30s, F) moved to a different country to live with my fiancé (also 30s). This past year’s been rough—we’ve had a lot of arguments while trying to adjust to living together.

A month ago, his father passed away. I supported him and his family as much as I could. I’ve lost both my parents as a teen, so I understand grief. I was there with them at the hospital, helped with funeral stuff, even though I don’t speak the language well and felt overwhelmed by the expectations placed on me. I still tried my best.

Yesterday, we had a fight after dinner. I cooked most of the meal and helped prep a dish for his sister’s birthday. Afterward, I told him I was tired and didn’t want to clear the table (something we usually do together, often i cook entire meals and then clean alone without asking for his help, its one of my small ways to show care and love to him and he always thanks me after). He said, “Am I supposed to clean up alone?” which made me feel guilt-tripped. I helped anyway but later calmly said I thought it was okay for just one of us to clean up sometimes. He got upset, said I was ungrateful, and dismissed me when I tried to explain.

The next morning, he made a passive-aggressive comment about clothes on a chair, ignoring the actual issue. We argued again. He said something that i think important, that “if he doesn’t want to do something alone, he would ask/expect for the help”. This was weird to me and honestly i find it very immature. He kind of brushed it off like he “understood,” but didn’t really engage.

Before we were supposed to go to his sister’s birthday, he asked, “Aren’t you coming?” I told him I didn’t feel emotionally okay and didn’t want to pretend everything was fine. He acted shocked, like I was being unreasonable, and made me feel guilty for not going. I started getting dressed while crying, just to go and keep the peace. But when he saw me upset, he said I wasn’t going like that and that he’d physically stop me if needed. Then he left alone.

I messaged his sister a nice birthday note and said I wasn't feeling well. She saw it but hasn’t responded, which I understand—she was probably busy.

I wouldn’t have made any drama if I had gone, but emotionally, it would’ve been too much to fake being fine. So... AITA for not going?