I have tried to write this many times, so I am sorry if it doesn’t make a lot of sense or it’s too long. A bit of a back story to start. I 26F have had a strained, limited contact relationship with my father for most of my life. If you met him, you’d probably wonder why. He’s funny, charming and super sweet. But when he tries to be a father, it just never works out.

When I was really little he was the fun parent. He would take us out for ice cream and drive me to school, telling me all these different stories that he’d make up off the top of his head. I loved spending time with him. But when my parents divorced and he got his own place our relationship began to deteriorate. He would tell my brother and I that we were going to the amusement park and then spend all day on his laptop saying, “just this one last email”. We’d end up just watching tv all day. He would bring us to my grandparents house and drop us off for the weekend (his only time with me) while he saw his different girlfriends.

After a while my brother and I decided to take a break from seeing our dad probably when I was around 11 or 12. This was the first time that he stopped talking to me. He lived only 10 minutes away from my mom. I knew we asked to take some space but in my little head I still expected him to try. Then, my freshman year of high school, he moved across the country. For a good example (not a real example) I lived in Maine and he moved to California.

This is where the real strain began. He would invite me out some summers to spend a week at his place and sometimes he would come back east to spend holidays with my brother and I and his family. But I probably heard from him over the phone like once every couple of months. I was really struggling in high school and even got hospitalized for my mental health a couple times. The therapists would talk to my dad over the phone and tell him that part of my issues were the fact that him not talking to me made me feel like I wasn’t loveable (true) and he needed to make more of an effort.

He would do better at communicating for a few months and then stop again. This pattern continued long until I was in college. He came to visit me once while I was living on campus and I told him that if he didn’t make an effort, a long standing, true effort that I wasn’t going to allow him in my future kids' lives (if I had any) and he wasn’t coming to my wedding. That didn’t change anything. He never called and barely even texted on my birthday or holidays for the next couple years.

He was in the city last month and didn’t even see me. So, I think he’s pretty much done trying. I think I should be too but that’s my dad yanno? Do I just give up? I just want him to WANT to try. My health insurance (im under him) ends this month and that will be the last need for us to speak on. I guess I need to know if really going no contact is the right decision.