I 19 F (mexican/catholic) met my boyfriend 20 M (kurdish/muslim) back in 2022 when I was studying high school abroad in California. Since we met we knew we had feelings for each other and a lot of history went down but for x or y we didn’t start dating until summer of 2024 when we decided to reconnect after like a year of not being in each other’s life. It’s worth mentioning that this happened after we graduated high school and I no longer lived in the US, i had to go back to mexico to continue my college education. Because of this situation we of course had to start a long distance relationship plus all this time we had to maintain our relationship a secret from his family since he previously told me he wasn’t really allowed to be dating outside of his culture.

To be honest even though it was not easy, I accepted all of this because to me it was worth doing it for him. We were dating for about six months and during all these months we learned so much about each other and ourselves. The distance forced us to communicate more openly and honestly, which strengthened our bond. We discovered how to express our feelings through words, and we became better listeners. The late-night calls and video chats became cherished moments, allowing us to share our daily lives, dreams, and even our struggles. We also learned to appreciate the little things, like sending each other thoughtful messages or surprise gifts. These gestures made the distance feel smaller and reminded us of our connection. While it wasn't always easy, the challenges helped us grow individually and as a couple, teaching us the importance of patience and trust.

However, the situation became more complicated when I started feeling the pressure of keeping our relationship a secret. Sometimes, I wondered if I would be able to handle this in the long run. One day, I decided to talk to him about my feelings. I explained that while I loved what we had, the lack of transparency was affecting me. To my surprise, he shared my concerns. We realized it was important for us to find a way to be honest, not just with our families, but also with ourselves. After many conversations, he came up with the idea that I should visit him in December so that he could introduce me to his family. We knew it would be a challenge, but we felt that our relationship deserved that effort.

Together, we started planning and in the end he paid for my planet tickets and I was able to stay with some family members that live out there in Cali. Once I arrived to visit him, everything felt surreal. I stayed for about a month so we could celebrate our birthdays together—his on December 19 and mine on January 14. We hung out plenty of times during my stay, making the most of every moment. I even took him to my house and introduced him to my family, which was a really happy moment for me.

It was on his birthday that I finally got to meet his parents. They invited me over, and to my relief, that first meeting went pretty well I thought and it felt like a positive start. After that, I visited his house a couple more times before I had to leave, and he never mentioned anything negative about how his parents felt about me. This made me feel reassured, and I thought everything was going smoothly.

When my birthday came around, he really went all out, planning an entire day for us to celebrate together with some friends. It was one of the best days I had ever experienced. However, at the same time my departure date drew closer, I started to notice that he was acting a bit differently. He seemed more distant and preoccupied, and I couldn't shake the feeling that something was off. Three days after my birthday we got to see each other again, I could tell he was nervous. He looked at me with a heavy heart and told me he needed to talk about something important. My stomach dropped as I prepared for the worst. It turned out that the day after I visited him for his birthday, his parents had found a box of condoms in his car, and to make matters worse, two were missing. It was ironic because those were the ones we had tried to use when we attempted to get intimate, even though we never really went through with anything.

His parents were furious, especially his dad, and this led to a huge argument. His dad confronted him, making it clear that he had to choose between his family and me. My heart sank as I listened to him recount the pain of that moment. I could see the conflict in his eyes, and as much as it hurt, he ultimately felt he had to pick his family over me. With all the pain in the world, he broke up with me, and in that moment, everything felt like it was crashing down.

After we broke up, I returned to Mexico, and everything became incredibly difficult. I missed him so much, and it was a really challenging time for me because I truly love him. The fact that we had to split up due to circumstances beyond our control crushed me. Although we stopped talking, we still maintained some contact through Snapchat and TikTok. Honestly, this only deepened our sadness, leading us to discuss our situation. We ultimately concluded that we either needed to get back together or let each other go. I emphasized that he needed to think everything through carefully, and whatever decision we made had to be final.

After like 2 weeks without communication, he reached out again, sharing that he had finally made a decision about what he wanted. He also spoke with his dad about how this situation had affected him. He expressed how miserable he felt since our breakup and how uncomfortable he was at home because his parents constantly reminded him of our relationship. In the end, his dad somewhat agreed to let us date but laid out a comprehensive list of conditions my boyfriend had to meet to be with me. These included quitting smoking entirely before we could even talk again, contributing to household bills, maintaining his grades, and more. However, my boyfriend also made it clear that his dad clearly stated that we would never be allowed to get married.

Hearing this made me feel happy in a way, but it also felt like we were still stuck in the same place because his dad was clearly not taking us and our relationship seriously. At first I told him that if this was the path we needed to take for now, I was willing to do it because I love him too much to just give up on us. However, he continued to mention that "marriage is off the table until the situation with my dad changes," which made me overthink a lot of things because the idea of us getting married is something we’ve always dreamed of and openly stated was something we really wanted for our future. After we hung up that call, I felt overwhelmed by everything. Later that night, we called again, and I opened up about feeling really lost and hurt. I ended up suggesting that it might be better for us to take some time apart to think things through because I felt like we both, especially me, needed more clarity on what was going to happen with us and what we really wanted. Now, I'm left wondering if that was the best decision I could have made. I can't shake the feeling of uncertainty. Taking a break feels like a double-edged sword; on one hand, it gives us space to figure things out, but on the other, I'm scared that it might push us further apart. I keep replaying our conversations in my head, trying to find the right answers, but instead, I just feel more confused. I want to believe that this time apart will help us grow individually, but I can't help but worry about what the future holds for us. I love him with everything i have in myself and I want to get back with him but obviously need to change some things and I could really need some advice. Was the break something smart for me to do?? What about his dad?? Am i insane for feeling so troubled by his disapproval?? What should me and my bf (ex) do to overcome this???