I keep exotic animals. I was in a conversation with a friend, call her ‘A’, to buy a breeding pair of these animals. They’re an exciting species.

After talking to ‘A’, she would keep the female, and I would keep the male. (Females are a lot more involved to keep) so I was excited for the male.

I spoke to other friends, call them ‘CC’ (it’s a couple) about the prospect of getting these two. They became excited and wanted to be involved. I tried to clarify that A would keep the female and I would get the male. I would include ‘CC’ by letting them have pick of the ‘litter’. Just for info: The offspring would be 3x the value of the parents.

This is the conversation I tried to have. Instead CC STATED that they would take the male. It was not a conversation. It was a statement. It wasn’t “hey I would prefer” or “I would only want to have”. It was genuinely “oh I’ll take the male”.

That bothered me, but when it happened, everything was still very up in the air on if anything would actually come of the plans. We didn’t have the pair yet. I should have dug my heels in and clarified what the current offer was. I genuinely thought I had. But they weren’t hearing me. I cannot remember the exact interactions but where it was all a pipe dream anyway, I was too passive.

It took months to finally sort out acquiring the breeding pair. When it did, ‘A’ had to drop out and I ended up with both. So I have the liability for the female but the benefit of the male too. I can comfortably keep them both.

‘CC’ is now upset with me for “promising them one of the pair and then keeping both.” There was genuinely never a promise. They dictated what they would want to be involved. I should have said “ok, if that’s the only way you want to be involved, then you’re opting out. Because I want the male. Even if breeding doesn’t happen, the male is the animal I want to keep” (again, the males are genuinely much less difficult to keep)

I did not say that. I should have said that. But I never agreed to the terms they dictated either. I always emphasized that ‘A’ wanted one and so did I, in our initial talks.

I may just be TA for just not setting clear enough boundaries. I never agreed/promised but they just stated what they “would take” and it wasn’t the conversation I was trying to have.