I (17f) never knew who my dad was until a few months ago. My mom told me he was a married man and they had an affair and she never told him about me. They just broke things off before she was visibly pregnant. She said she hadn't wanted to make my life hell and she knew it would be if his wife found out or the rest of their families. I'd always ask her about my dad and we'd fight because I felt like I had the right to know who he is and to have the chance at a relationship with him and his family.

When mom finally gave in it changed things for me. The guy she said is my dad is the father of the one kid I have issues with at school. We've butted heads for years and we both got into big trouble a few times for getting into some pretty nasty verbal fights. I don't think it's because he knows. We just clash over different stuff and we have this mutual hatred for each other.

The thing is I know how close he is to his siblings. And I know if the truth came out I would always be the outsider. They'll never give me a chance when it would mean annoying him. His older sister gave me nasty looks before because of fights me and her brother had and I was told she didn't like me because I got her brother into trouble.

So even though I'm glad I know I don't want to say anything or to try and have a relationship.

My grandparents don't like that. They know I know who he is. They don't know. But they keep pushing me to reach out and they told me it I needed to follow through since I bugged my mom so much about it and screamed at her before for not telling me. I'm afraid to tell them why in case they figure out who he is and reach out for me. But they act like I'm some asshole now for going to all the trouble and letting it go.

I just know it would be miserable for me if I did come forward and I don't want that. I thought I might be welcomed one day but I know I won't ever be with my dad's kids.

AITA?