To preface: love my parents but it's been a rocky history, there was a point in time where I would've never talked to them again and never look back

Unfortunately you need a decent amount of my life story to get the context here, so away we go

Felt like I had a pretty regular upbringing from birth to about grade six, my Dad was a constant drunk at that point, and my mom was very depressed and would talk to me about leaving my father and her depression, she felt bad venting it out to me but honestly I think she just needed someone to talk to. I was her rock

At that point I very much admired my parents love that I saw from the outside, but hearing the deeper troubles gave me pause. At first I thought they were a perfect example of what love could be, sometimes I still do. They've gotten through not just rough times but tornadoes together, but alas this made me think about my dad much differently, I could see his rage when he drunk and it was scary

Going into grade seven or six, my dad snaps and throws my head into a wall unprovoked in our basement, no one saw and he was incredibly apologetic afterwards. He soon after quit drinking cold turkey and slowly started slipping back towards it overtime again. He denies it to this day and while I was incredibly frustrated at first, it taught me to take accountability in my own actions because who knows who would around me at the point. Sometimes he would gaslight me into thinking it never happened. But about a year or so ago we were catching up and he told me how his brothers and dad would always beat on him and how, "they're family so it's okay". I told him it wasn't right and that they should've taken accountability in their actions and how they affected him, he got teary and again... Wouldn't admit to what he had done but I could see the pain in his eyes and the years it wasted between us

In highschool and such I worked a lot and did a lot of extra curriculars to basically stay away from home, stayed at friends houses pretty often too. Many others parents felt like my own most days. My dad was die hard conservative for many years, talking about how'd disown us if we were gay. I wasn't but it definitely made me like him less, he still has a bit of a lingering right wing mentality but he's far more opened minded then when I was younger, props to em

During highschool I heard a lot of, "when you're eighteen you're out of here", but my brother stayed until he was 22 without issue. I worked three jobs straight away, ski hill, selling suits, working at my local zoo, and making fences (ski hill and zoo were opposite seasons, only three jobs at one time, I worked about 16 total over the years and have worked three at the same time three times now. Also went to post secondary for first my EMR and then business, the later paid for out of my own pocket). I saved up and found a job about five hours away that would pay for food and living, I was packed and ready to leave, this is the point when I would have not looked back

One week before I'm set to go, my best friends little sister is begging for me to meet someone she works with before I go, I 100% thought I was leaving town and just didn't care so I said sure. Since I thought I was leaving I was comfortable to be my true authentic self, long story short that's my fiance now. I called and said I met a girl and wouldn't be coming, and I stay with my parents until she had the confidence to move out with me

I would've stay with my parents a bit longer but I hit a snapping point. There's was a ton going on since I was little and it was hard to wrap my head around nor feel like I was the solution to everything

My parents fought loudly, my dad wasn't understanding of my mom's depression, and my mom slowly would take my dad's side in arguments. She was also growing more negative over the years. She would bad mouth my now fiance and it gave me a ton of insecurities about our relationship

I took this kinda hard for a couple reasons, I really felt like I was her rock for all those years, always talked when she needed someone. Felt like I matured a lot faster than my school counterparts as a result. I was incredibly positive and out going and trying to motivate my mom. She ended up trying thousands of different combinations of pills (via docs prescriptions) that ended up really taking a toll on her body, but she does seem more optimistic some days.

I was always there and supportive and tried my best to tell her to be patient with the meds as well as not dwell on them. She would think so negatively that even if they had found the right combination of chemicals, I think she would've have let them work out of sheer determination. I would always tell her it takes some personal will power as well as, the meds wouldn't work if you placebo the effect away

I smoked a decent amount of weed, and my mother was not a fan, but my cousin had made weed brownies one day and my mom was feeling desperate, none of the combination of meds was working at that point so she said fuck it and had one. Weed affects everyone differently and more my mom it pushed her over the edge, she attempted suicide via overdose which luckily did not fully play out. But it hurt me deeply, she had said she'd never do anything of the sort. I remember hearing her coughing from downstairs and when I went up my dad wasn't even checking on her and just dismissed it as, "she's high". I was he first to walk in, and I had just finish my first responders, but it was my mom and I just kinda froze seeing her basically dying in front of me. I had an incredibly hard time not seeing her as dead already, I felt like I had watched her die and I quite honestly just never want to experience that again

My dad eventually got out of his own stubborn head and this was a wake up call to him that the mind could play tricks on you that you may not be ready for. This is when he really starting shifting his perspective. He's been incredibly caring for my mother ever since, tries to take her on vacations and keep her busy and happy

In the last couple years there my dad was getting incredibly irritated, he would storm down to my room and yell at me at 4am to get a job (reminder: at this time I literally had three)

Something snapped in me and I told my fiance, with or without her, I had to go. I had three jobs I could clearly afford it on my own. Luckily she was ready and we moved out together. One thing that stuck with me from my parents was they'd always say, "our relationship will get better when you no longer live here". And to be honest that hurt, I couldn't understand and honestly still don't

Without my fiance I wouldn't care to have kept my parents in my life. I found myself devoid of my own life plans because it was always, "get a government job". I didn't really have any thoughts of my own besides that I wanted to be a good person. I wanted a full separation

My mom would constantly ask where we lived, at first I was more scared of my dad than anything (forgot to mention this earlier but I would leave a pile of wine bottles by the door just in case my dad would come down, I could wake up and react at least). But then my mom started getting super attached (I'm the baby child), to the point where she was calling my places of work

Whatever it was it was toxic and I just keep slowly distancing myself over the years. But now as I'm getting older, I find myself regretful of the time spent away. I feel this way because they have consistently shown that they're listening and trying to become better people

My dad and I have a wood working project I thought up that we could hopefully reconnect and bond over (we did a lot when I was a kid, this guy makes paintings out of wood it's magical). And my mom in our most recent visit didn't pester me about where we live for the first time

My mind is stuck in the past but they've shown they're ready to move on and I'd like to give it a more solid and concrete chance and open myself up again

I know my situation was not nearly as dire as many out there, and I've been given this chance, I just find myself extremely hesitant. It's hard because I don't feel like we crossed that point of no return, but I was so close for so long that it's difficult for me to get out of the head space

AITA for feeling like I still don't want them to know where I live? AIO based on my past?